Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Bloomfield is Hipsterville

Last night as i walked to my local coffee joint, the one filled with hipsters i was amazed at just how many of these types occupy my 'hood. If i had a camera i would've filled that hipster site in just one fine evening walk, what struck me even more is the fact that there is now sub-genres of hipsterdom which means if you really want to be a hipster you must begin to reject all things hipster and that might be hard since tattoo removal is difficult and your earlobes will never fucking go back to normal with those gigantic metal pieces dragging them to near shoulder level.

Since i think it would be impossible to classify them all i'll just mention a few. The All-In Hipster is the one who embraces hipsterdom like the pope embraces the bible, the have a one gear/no brake bike, clothes are vintage or look vintage, hair is styled but not styled and usually self cut, they have tattoo's and are pierced, some more subtle than others but pre-requisite nonetheless, a sub group of this is the punkrock/Road warrior hipster where they try to look as much as one of the Humongous's gang from the Mel Gibson film Road Warrior, while rejecting modern toiletries and the like...

The Burgh also has the Lesbian Bicycle Contingent, where the uniform looks alot like the aforementioned sub-group while adding those snazzy Italian cyclist caps, the hair style harkens back to the late 70's, early 80's punk rock cut, the best example being the girls of Woody's gang in the film This Is England, shaved in parts, longer in others, preferably more than one color but not to outrageous with the long locks that in front of the ear like sideburns for lack of a better description...

The Art Star hipster can often be found wandering the streets in paint spattered pants or busking in the mid-afternoon sun, they don some higher quality threads when attending an art opening or some such artsy event but the style still says "hey man i'm not of the bourgeoisie", these hipsters often take offense to being lumped into this category and look at other sub-cultures of hipsterdom with disdain even though they can often be found cavorting and socializing with them, basically they claim to be artiste's, therefore their peculiarness is not manufactured like hipsters, they may busk but tend to shy away from rock band's and if they do make music it's usually of some horrible noise/drone variety that bores the shit out of everyone but themselves...

Rock Star hipsters come in many shapes and sizes and though possibly a sub-culture of the All-In they too, like the Art Star, claim a higher fashion sense, they also love the bicycle but can also be found in shitty vans with U-hauls attached, they like to work at the hip clothing stores in town or possibly in hair salon's, they usually sport the styled but not styled cut but it's actually done by a professional and the look may change with the winds, they are usually friendly and congenial especially when talking about their own band and trying to get you to fork out for their new 7"...

still to come... the pseudo hipster and the i'm not a hipster hipster.

7 comments:

Gulfboot Johnson said...

You should be careful you don't become some kind of unwitting "hipster guru" by accident. I've seen it happen in other people's lives...

daisyfae said...

i just can't figure out why they all seem to be rail thin... some of the guys should be jockeys!

i enjoyed the hipster roll call! i think they're adorable. loved the cute little boys in seattle with their snappy fedoras and creative facial hairage...

Kono said...

though i might fall into the category of "aging hipster" i'm to patently uncool to really join the club, seems i've spent my life on the outside looking in and really what i'm aiming for is the anti-hipster image which will make me the biggest hipster of all, not to be confused of course with the i'm not a hipster hipster, as i told Furious one night i'm a Face, a guy who's been hanging out in the cool bars with the cool kids for so long they're used to me at this point.

nursemyra said...

I'll have the blonde hipster with the glasses thanks

Kono said...

he's wearing a My Bloody Valentine shirt of the Loveless album cover, i'm very envious, i want that shirt.

Christian Breitkreutz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christian Breitkreutz said...

Nice job here! You forgot to mention the obscene fact that none of these fuckers have jobs! Think about it how can the possibly be employed? They all pile into the shittiest bar around, drink like fuck all night long, wake up all hungover and wander Liberty Avenue all day until it's time to go play dress up at the bar again. I really hate these fuckers...