Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hipster Moped Gang in Pittsburgh

The other day, much to my suprise i witnessed my first Burgh Hipster Moped gang, take note wannabe's, the scooter is over, Vespa is passe, mopeds are in and if you wanna be a full fledged super cool hep cat you better get one. There were at close to a dozen in this gang and man did they look tough, tattooed vegan moped riding cool kids vs. a bunch of catholic school girls in a fight and i think i'm taking the kids in skirts, that being the 6th grade catholic school girls, after further research i learned that this phenomena has already occurred in hipster-centric places like Portland and Chicago, i might even be able to afford a moped when one of my kids gets out of daycare and then i can be superfuckingcool too.

24 comments:

daisyfae said...

they need banana seats, sissy bars and high handlebars to really cut it...

Rassles said...

Hipster moped armies are spreading everywhere, man. The Chicago moped army is full of some of the most defensive pricks I've ever met. Do not dare to suggest their moped is a type of scooter. Nevermind - do it. They get all pissy. It's funny.

Kevin Sousa said...

"i will fuck you in the mouth"

Kono said...

Rassles- i can't wait to here them stumble their way through what qualifies as a moped or scooter, i'm going to attach a lawm mower motor to an old 10 speed and trump them all.

Sousa- I'd expect nothing less from you sir.

Anonymous said...

I know, right?

It's like some kind of plague - every time I go to a seedy bar, there's a moped. Off to work - there's a moped again.

I stepped out to go smoke a cigarette the other day, and looked over to where I park my bike - there's a moped!

WTF! Can't I go anywhere without there being a moped there?

Anonymous said...

OMFG...totally anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Mopeds are wonderful, don't knock em til you've ridden/fixed one.

Anonymous said...

It's like some kind of plague - every time I go to a seedy bar, there's a bike/skateboard/car. Off to work - there's a bike/skateboard/car again.

I stepped out to go smoke a cigarette the other day, and looked over to where I park my bike/skateboard/car - there's a bike/skateboard/car!

WTF! Can't I go anywhere without there being a bike/skateboard/car there?

how dare people get around another way! Sorry that segways, scooters, motorcycles etc are too expensive and being able to fix your own ride saves $$ and is fun.


kono, that already happens, you would just be falling into that subset of super cool kids and their converted bike army.

Nathan said...

terrible writing. where'd you get your yellow belt in internet burns?

Anonymous said...

wait, so you're saying that hipsters are the ones outside ridding dirty two-stroke bikes, and you're the one judging people based on their choices in mode of transportation on an elitist blog?

i thought elitism is what made hipsters suck. you don't think that you might be one of THEM!

PS: mopeds are fun. but, you have to come out from behind the safe walls of your mom's house to ride one.

Kono said...

shit i've got an elitist blog, damn i thought i was just screaming into the void and my girl Rassles was right on, please see above, dear anonymous cunts, know why i don't have a moped, it's cuz i walk cuz walking is an elitist activity, as is drinking cheap beer in a Belle and Sebastian t-shirt, as far as mopeds being fun great so is making your own crack and being an anonymous little girl living off the trust fund daddy left you, relax girls, i'm drunk and if you understood that KONO stands for King of North Oakland you'd know i was elitist, why? cuz i'm the fucking renaissance man of the new millenium and you ride a moped with a milk crate on the back... just what the fuck is ridding anyway?

Kono said...

oh shit i transposed a word, the anonymous will be all up in me grille now, by the way your mom's house is very nice and the woman has top notch taste in dildo's.

Anonymous said...

u mad

Rebecca said...

Hey, I'm one of those Pittsburgh moped riders. My name is Becky. I don't have any tattoos, I'm not a vegan, I don't have any blood-thirst for scooter riders, and I don't come from money (or have much now). Nor do I think that riding mopeds certifies me as superfuckingcool. I almost never wear oodles of bling while doing it. Also, mopeds break down at odd times. You have to pedal to start the damn things and go up really steep hills, looking clownish in the meantime. There's a large dose of silly involved in riding (that's why it's fun), and we know it and don't take ourselves too seriously. Every group in every city has their own thing going on. Some are part of a definite scene. But nobody in my group gets their jollies from pissing on other people's parades. We're laid-back, inclusive and enthusiastic to share our interest with anyone who's curious. You want to know something I love about mopeds? It's not about how they're better than scooters. If you want reliable machines, they're definitely worse. Because they're old, they do break down a lot, and they require attention and rebuilding. In order to get this done, you need a cluster of cooperative heads and hands. Some of the people you saw riding with me are the most generous people I know, and have donated an asston of time, effort, tools, and parts to each other without expecting anything in return. That kind of community is superfuckingcool. Because of mopeds, before my dad died suddenly earlier this year, I got to spend a couple of good years with him learning about how to tear down and rebuild 2-stroke motors and fix up different bikes. I got some mechanical knowledge, and learned a lot about my dad's humor and welding-skills. Those memories are superfuckingcool.
Also, if you strapped a lawnmower engine to a 10 speed, moped people, DIY at heart, would cheer you on, not be threatened by you. Not everything has to be about proving you're better than somebody else.

Kono said...

Rebecca that was the most eloquent comment i've had here in quite some time and i thank you for it, what i find funny is that if people read alot of this shit i post they'd find that most of it is written with a dose of irony and sarcasm by a guy who spends most of his time with his two young sons and likes to blow off steam by fucking around on this blog, of course the fact i got such a response means i might be doing something right but really it's a piss take cuz most of the world takes themselves way to fucking seriously, i myself don't take anything seriously except Kid A and Kid B and that brings me to the shit you wrote about your dad...first off i'm sorry to hear it and i hope you are doing okay, losing a parent is like losing superman (see the Flaming Lips song Waiting for Superman, Wayne Coyne wrote it about his father dying), it made me a bit misty eyed to say the least, what's cool is not what you learned about mopeds and bikes, though i'm sure it comes in handy, but what you learned about your old man, parenting ain't easy and it's shit like your story that helps remind me to do shit every day with my kids cuz you just never know and i want to know as much about them and they to know as much about me in the time alloted to me cuz as my father once told me it's my job to bury him just as it's my sons job to bury me, what's cool is the shit you learned about your dad you never knew and i'm pretty sure he thought the same thing about his superfuckingcool kid and it made him smile in those moments when no one sees and as a parent you sit there and think about your kid, and yes the superfuckingcool part was compliment just so there's no confusion, that said if i ever see you in one of the hipster bars i frequent every know and then i will buy you a beer or a hamburger seeing as you're not a vegan but more likely a beer. I also did just acquire an old Strider 10 speed cuz my mom was cleaning out the attic and the thought of strapping a lawnmower moter on it does appeal to me cuz i'm to lazy to pedal, though as i stated i'm a walker, it gives me time to think and look at shit cuz the rest of the time things move to fast and i myself prefer to go slow.

By the way do you ride with some cat named Todd who plays in bands or used to at least? i used to work at Papermart on Baum Blvd. with him back in the day.

Kono said...

in response to U Mad, uh no why are you? i find it all quite amusing.

Tom said...

Kono..we do ride with a cat named Todd. I've heard many stories about that papermart. It's also funny you mentioned him because he's the one who found your blog...

Kono said...

Thanks for the info Tom, Todd's been outed and from what i remember of Todd those anonymous posts have his fingerprints all over them, reminds me of how he talks and what's better is he called me an elitist, so Todd i owe you a beer as well, of course what really surpises me is how he found it? i didn't think that many people read it and i'm sure most don't on a regular basis and i'm not even sure how you'd find it, google Asshat or Moped gang is guess but i did and this never popped up so i'm baffled, that said you crazy kids keep doing your thing and i don't take shit so seriously, i mean the name of the site is Asshat Lounge, possibly a tip off to what may lie ahead me thinks and if you read more than one post you'll find a variety of things discussed other than hipster bashing...

that said Tom you get a beer too. Todd might remember the large, hairy monkey who worked in the warehouse and i'm pretty sure i've sold Todd and i know i sold most of his friends contraband a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away but that is a fable for another time.

Kono said...

delete the i before take shit so seriously, fuck i need an editor

Tom said...

dude...I'm all for hipster bashing, so when I get called a hipster, my blood starts boil...

ps...I'll let Todd know you're the big hairy monkey...

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Anonymous said...

I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I can defend the position.

Kono said...

Anon- i apologise for your computer generated existence, i am right, i am not man, i am Cantona.

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