The Wilderness Years - Gainfully Unemployed

 I drove home singing at the top of my lungs, what a brilliant fucking day! i had effectively gotten myself laid off from my job while also being able to collect unemployment... i was a fucking conservative politicians worst nightmare, i needed unemployment bennies like i needed an asshole on my elbow but damn if i wasn't going to take them... i got home and immediately called the unemployment office and began the process of filing my paperwork... and from what i had understood the system had changed, i remember a few years back working the bagel store and guys coming in and asking for an application and the managers signature, it actually made one work to find employment which was the goal i guess... if you were a fucking square and i guess there were a lot of those out there, i knew guys who lost their mind if they didn't have work, i for one was not one of those guys, i was perfectly happy doing nothing, if i could scrape enough cash together for booze and a bit of drugs i was good... these days that wasn't even remotely a problem... the fact was i was now almost eight years removed from my college graduation, in that time i had turned down three jobs in advertising to go to the beach to surf and write poetry... other meaningless occupations were a bagel store clerk, dishwasher, stock boy, French Fry maker, 7-11 clerk, failed grad student and warehouse grunt... for most of that time my actual occupation was weed dealer... 

Back to the bennies... the system was a breeze now, i didn't even need signatures anymore, every week i called into an automated system and answered a few questions... was i looking for work? yes (i lied), was i able to work? yes, had i worked more than 20 hours? no... and that was it, every two weeks they'd send me my checks, a laughable sum of money to be honest, much less than i was making at the warehouse but as previously stated it was all for show, to make me look like an upstanding citizen... or as close to one as i could... bounding up the steps to my apartment i walked smiling and told the waitress that i had been laid off, i could tell this was not exactly the  news she wanted to hear as she was not a fan of my current occupational status, in fact it was another of the reasons i worked out of the apartment more, and to be fair she had a point though i don't think the local law and order set would have given two shits, she wanted nothing to do with it which was perfectly fine by me and with my expanding business i got it, hence why i cut the foot traffic down to the weight crew, she could disappear into the bedroom while i went into my bedroom/office and handled things... this new development though worried her and i knew it, the sense of normalcy, which granted was mostly a charade, was thrown off, with no job i'd be lounging around and doing my thing, granted at this point there wasn't much she could say, she was making decent enough money and saving even more cuz for the most part i was covering expenses, yeah we split the bills (at her insistence) but as for entertainment i paid for all of it, going out to dinner? i paid, i didn't care, i had more cash than i knew what to do with and i didn't forget the times, particularly grad school and the last summer at the beach, when i was broke and it was her helping me out, keeping me fed, handing me a few bucks for beers... 

That night there was quite the party down at the Little Corner Bar, being a Thursday it was a work night but it was also a celebration, a party to my new status as gainfully unemployed! i bought drinks and tipped like a rapper with a hit single... i was well on my way to wasted, around 11pm with business wrapped up i hopped in my car and drove the two blocks to Chez Anthony's, Red was working and i walked in smiling like the butcher' dog as the great Mike Lange used to say, i informed her that i had been laid off and that our morning workouts could begin again whenever we wanted, she was rubbing against me and whispered in my ear, see you tomorrow morning, i smiled back and said yes you will... i pulled up a seat at the stage and spread the money around, by this time i was a regular at the club, a bit of a legend due to my adventures with Veronica coupled with Red spinning stories about what a lovely guy i was... to be fair, i was not, i was a bastard doing whatever i wanted, whatever pleased me in the moment, a hedonist, a prick pretending to be a prince... i was hood rich and hood famous and got away with murder for the most part... i passed out more cash and then drove home... 

I quietly crept in to my place, the cats all stirred and came by for a leg rub and some pets, the Waitress rolled over and went back to sleep while i went into my office to sort out the money, as usual it had been a good night, truth be told i was in the red for the day due to my excessive tipping and buying drinks for anyone and everyone, what did i care? the money was pouring in, currently i didn't leave the apartment without a few hundred in spending cash, just in case something popped up, these days Xanax and Valium were making the rounds, readily available, not to mention the oxys, percs, vikes... and yes i dabbled in all of it, i'd score a few painkillers for when the hangover needed more than just weed and the Xanax and Valium were becoming sweeties for a night on the town or when the paranoia got thick and i needed to relax... better living through chemistry or something like that... with the accounting done i sat back and relaxed, the apartment was quiet, i gazed out the window onto the street, i drank some water and crept into bed and promptly passed out...

Dawn on the first day of unemployment, the hangover indicated it had been a good night, i had slept through the Waitress getting up and going to work, around 9 or so with the sun streaming in through the windows i rolled out of bed and got myself together, made some coffee then hopped into the car and rolled over to Red's place, as usual she was in bed naked and i strolled into her bedroom and immediately undressed, she rolled towards me and we began our festivities, two hours later i was out the door, i grabbed some food on the way home, took a shower and then went back to bed for a little, it had been a pretty nice first day for the gainfully employed weed king of North Oakland... 

The afternoon i cleaned up a bit, hung out with my cats, and as usual started fielding calls... Metal Jerry had arrange to stop by, i think he was nervous about the situation and wanted to make sure he got five more pounds in case something happened, though i assured him nothing was going to happen, i wanted to tell him that with what he paid and what he made that even if it went tits up he'd easily have over twelve grand in hand by the time he had flipped his five pounds, he was smart enough to stretch that until he got a new job but he would relax soon enough, in fact as time went on he would settle in nicely to the role of unemployed weed dealer, it was a prime gig to say the least... 

And so it began... i was 30 years old and living the life... talking to my old man i knew he was worried, not that i didn't have a job but the fact i wasn't all that concerned in finding one, he wasn't stupid, he knew his kid was into something and he probably had a good idea of what... but as he used to state, as long as he didn't get a call from jail or the morgue he'd figure i was doing okay... and he was right... my dad and my uncle once sat in their old apartment with me discussing my situation, i believe at the time i still had dreads and had begun to stack enough cash as to be a bit more comfortable, not in the way i was now but overall... they had dubbed me the "Perfect Barbarian", it was a compliment and i remember my uncle saying to me that if i had an income independent of the system, meaning an illegal source of income, i would be the Perfect Barbarian, in retrospect i think he was trying to get me to say something to the effect that i did but instead i just smiled, nodded my head and said yeah i guess i would be... if i did... then i laughed...