Uh, What...

So as i stood there gazing at my reflection in the porcelain i mumbled, "these are strange days we living huh" and since by this time i had guzzled down enough free booze to cause me to see double i replied, "damn straight Tex", luckily the conversation ended at this point cuz i was done pissing and an upstanding citizen had joined me in the pisser and i zipped up and washed and ambled out towards the bar as the awards ceremony i was at kept right on going and the bartender smiled at me, one of the only men there without a suit jacket or tie and before i even had to ask he had plopped down another free can of lager and i smiled and slid him a buck and wobbled back to my seat...

Now one might be asking themselves how El Kono ended up at a swanky country club downing free booze and partaking in some fancy hors d'oeuvres and gobbling up some quality grub, hell i was kinda wondering that myself but you see i was what the guest list calls a plus 1 and i was along for moral support or something but what i was really along for was the open bar and the best part was that the swanky country club fucked up my name tag so that no one would even know my real name, which was probably a good thing seeing as how before i got there i indulged in some big pharma sweeties and then proceeded to waste not one second in becoming well acquainted with the bar staff...

So i sat there and ate my food and listened to people give speeches and collect their awards and i watched and wondered at all the networking and glad-handing and it dawned on me that these people had something called "careers",  and then there was me, all sixfootfour of unemployable lug smiling my way through dessert with a cup of coffee loaded to the brim with Kahlua and Tullamore Dew cuz by this point i didn't give a fuck what they were serving me and i struck up a conversation with an attractive woman who's husband had just been diagnosed with cancer and we discussed things like finding him high quality weed all while the county executive sat across the table from us... Did i forget to mention that? That somehow i ended up at the same table as one of the highest ranking officials in the area, me and my Wolverine-like sideburns and that just for shits and giggles i asked if i could get a photo with him, me the long retired ex-criminal, fucking laugh a minute you know...

But of course all good things must come to an end and i was led out of the place before the bar closed and chastised because apparently my conversation with said attractive woman looked to friendly and really what am i supposed to do? i'm just a charming motherfucker and i can't help it if i like talking to attractive ladies, i mean it wasn't like i was having sex in the bathroom or anything (which really would have made me fucking king of the country club) but such is the life of El Kono, i just stumble my way through it abiding best i can...

And come the morning i was a bit rough around the edges but i somehow managed to get things done, kicking the cigs has definitely eased the pain of the hangover and after sneaking to the garage for some medicinal the day took on a warm and fuzzy glow and maybe like my heroes above i should try just a bit harder but then again that shit is for squares and i is what i is and that's all that i is, it may not amount to much but some days it is a right laugh...