In this vast cultural and human wasteland known as the suburbs i've searched long and hard for a place to drink, of course i stumbled upon the Plastic Paddy only to have the place shut down a few months after i moved, i mean the PP wasn't the best place, it was a fake Irish pub chain and it was filled with local assholes who liked to flash expensive jewelry and talk loudly about how successful they were but the staff took a shine to me and gave me free booze so i could deal with it, it would have been interesting and terrifying i'm sure to these Wonder Bread fuckos if i had started talking about my rather colorful past but i kept my head down and drank and tried not to punch anyone, as for uptown (the main drag of my little hamlet), where the PP was located, there are fucking wine bars and the local where all the kiddies who grew up there hang, it's like a fucking class reunion to a school i didn't attend so i tend to avoid the place and wine bars? you really think i'm gonna fucking hang out in a wine bar?
(sidebar: i've been blessed with the wonderful and painful condition known as gout, in fact the first time i ever had it i was 27 (incredibly young) and since i didn't know what it was i proceeded to drink my way through it, now of course drinking is the main cause of this condition which basically feels like someone ground up glass and dropped it in your joints, a form of rheumatoid arthritis technically, and since i'm not one to fucking quit anything unless i decide to i just ploughed through it, now somewhere along the line someone told me that white wine was the only booze that didn't cause flare ups, so when i'd have a flare up i'd put down the Guinness and Irish Whiskey and switch to white wine, i'd drink it in pint glasses with some ice, even in some of the dive bars i'd frequent where the bartenders would all grin at me, on the average night i'd drink 3 or 4 bottles myself and i began to wonder why people even drank this stuff, i'd actually check the label to see if it had alcohol in it cuz even my friends would marvel at how little effect it had on me, of course back in those days maybe it had something to do with all the fucking blow but even know it seems that white wine has no effect... red of course is a different story and i do love me the red on occasion, that occasion being the limited availability of the black gold..."
So i've been trekking back to my favorite dives in my beloved old hood but i needed a place closer, i can't always be racing around the city now right? and since i live a stone's throw away from the city line anyway i have begun to frequent the Blvd, as i call it, the main drag of a white-trash section of the burgh and i do mean that lovingly, and i've found a couple of places that are just fine even if the jukeboxes lack a bit, one of the bars, lucky me, has $3 imports all night and Guinness on tap and i've taken quite a shine to the place and low and behold the Guinness is fucking top notch, which is funny cuz i've never seen anyone drink it in the place other than me, i mean most city kids drink horrible shit like Coors lite and Miller lite and IC lite, they drink brightly colored shots with funny names and ply the jukebox with nu-country, nu-metal and fucking hip hop, to each his own, i'll endure alot for my black pints especially when they're that cheap, of course what i like most about this place is it's a bit cleaner and nicer version of the place i spent years in slinging weed to the masses, in fact had i lived on this side of town back then it's the kind of place i most likely would've set up shop in if the owner didn't mind and even if he did there's a place right down the street that would be perfect as well and judging by my observations of that place it would have been no problem...
And so all is well with the world as i have found a new place to booze, i made it through the holidays relatively unscathed except for a few benders but i'm not the bender type anymore now am i? or am i? it seems i've taught myself to drink like the consummate professional derelict i am, i can tell you before my last drink the strength and severity of my hangover by the number of drinks and the amount of cigarettes i consume and can rise the next day and say, see? i told ya... and in case you were wondering there really is no point to this post, just a derelict rambling on about drinking and taking drugs and the like cuz really you don't come here for enlightenment, fuck i don't know why anyone comes here, i don't know why i come here except that i'm a creature of habit and i gotta entertain myself somehow... i wonder if the bar is open yet?