Tuesday, January 31, 2012

How's My Drinking?


In this vast cultural and human wasteland known as the suburbs i've searched long and hard for a place to drink, of course i stumbled upon the Plastic Paddy only to have the place shut down a few months after i moved, i mean the PP wasn't the best place, it was a fake Irish pub chain and it was filled with local assholes who liked to flash expensive jewelry and talk loudly about how successful they were but the staff took a shine to me and gave me free booze so i could deal with it, it would have been interesting and terrifying i'm sure to these Wonder Bread fuckos if i had started talking about my rather colorful past but i kept my head down and drank and tried not to punch anyone, as for uptown (the main drag of my little hamlet), where the PP was located, there are fucking wine bars and the local where all the kiddies who grew up there hang, it's like a fucking class reunion to a school i didn't attend so i tend to avoid the place and wine bars? you really think i'm gonna fucking hang out in a wine bar?

(sidebar: i've been blessed with the wonderful and painful condition known as gout, in fact the first time i ever had it i was 27 (incredibly young) and since i didn't know what it was i proceeded to drink my way through it, now of course drinking is the main cause of this condition which basically feels like someone ground up glass and dropped it in your joints, a form of rheumatoid arthritis technically, and since i'm not one to fucking quit anything unless i decide to i just ploughed through it, now somewhere along the line someone told me that white wine was the only booze that didn't cause flare ups, so when i'd have a flare up i'd put down the Guinness and Irish Whiskey and switch to white wine, i'd drink it in pint glasses with some ice, even in some of the dive bars i'd frequent where the bartenders would all grin at me, on the average night i'd drink 3 or 4 bottles myself and i began to wonder why people even drank this stuff, i'd actually check the label to see if it had alcohol in it cuz even my friends would marvel at how little effect it had on me, of course back in those days maybe it had something to do with all the fucking blow but even know it seems that white wine has no effect... red of course is a different story and i do love me the red on occasion, that occasion being the limited availability of the black gold..."

So i've been trekking back to my favorite dives in my beloved old hood but i needed a place closer, i can't always be racing around the city now right? and since i live a stone's throw away from the city line anyway i have begun to frequent the Blvd, as i call it, the main drag of a white-trash section of the burgh and i do mean that lovingly, and i've found a couple of places that are just fine even if the jukeboxes lack a bit, one of the bars, lucky me, has $3 imports all night and Guinness on tap and i've taken quite a shine to the place and low and behold the Guinness is fucking top notch, which is funny cuz i've never seen anyone drink it in the place other than me, i mean most city kids drink horrible shit like Coors lite and Miller lite and IC lite, they drink brightly colored shots with funny names and ply the jukebox with nu-country, nu-metal and fucking hip hop, to each his own, i'll endure alot for my black pints especially when they're that cheap, of course what i like most about this place is it's a bit cleaner and nicer version of the place i spent years in slinging weed to the masses, in fact had i lived on this side of town back then it's the kind of place i most likely would've set up shop in if the owner didn't mind and even if he did there's a place right down the street that would be perfect as well and judging by my observations of that place it would have been no problem...

And so all is well with the world as i have found a new place to booze, i made it through the holidays relatively unscathed except for a few benders but i'm not the bender type anymore now am i? or am i? it seems i've taught myself to drink like the consummate professional derelict i am, i can tell you before my last drink the strength and severity of my hangover by the number of drinks and the amount of cigarettes i consume and can rise the next day and say, see? i told ya... and in case you were wondering there really is no point to this post, just a derelict rambling on about drinking and taking drugs and the like cuz really you don't come here for enlightenment, fuck i don't know why anyone comes here, i don't know why i come here except that i'm a creature of habit and i gotta entertain myself somehow... i wonder if the bar is open yet?

12 comments:

Peau said...

your drinking is just fine. $3 imports? score.

nursemyra said...

Wine in pint glasses? Oh my

daisyfae said...

we got tired of the local PP's (probably the same damn chain). if it weren't for the smokin' hot waitresses, we'd have abandoned it long ago.

found a downtown dive that serves a 9 egg omelette (the 'girly' one is 5 eggs) with their beer... it looks like hell on earth, and the waitresses are a bit older and crunchier, but we love 'em...

was in your neighborhood last weekend - Seven Hills - for skiing. drank a 24 oz man can of IC Lite and about choked on it...

twin said...

Listen, I drink. And when I drink, I move in the wrong direction....

sybil law said...

I come here for the entertainment.

twin just quoted Barfly. Nice!!

I love holes in the wall waaay more than any yuppie bar.
White wine sucks. Red wine is awesome, but it gives me the WORST hangovers. Maybe it wouldn't if I didn't drink so much of it, though.

Kono said...

Peau- muchos gracias

Nursie- What else would i drink white wine outta?

Daisy- I believe that is Seven Springs, Seven Hills is a suburb of Cleveland and a shitty one at that... and not even the natives drink Iron City anymore since they moved it out to the stix, i used to live a few blocks from the old brewery.

Twin- there is a reason why i love you.

Sybil- What no enlightenment? Dago Red in short glasses, i'm fucking classy.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

My first girlfriend, Peggy, lived in Seven Hills. I met her at the old Agora on E. 24th St. Peggy is definitely a Seven Hills name.

We come here for the same reason people visit my joint. It's free.

WV: "micarle" which is a drunken way to slur "miracle."

daisyfae said...

it was seven springs. and i think you're right - the only people going after the IC Light are folks who used to live in the 'burgh...

kid said...

i live in a land where a carton of smokes is twenty dollars, the bars stay open until four a.m., horses run all fucking year, and bourbon practically flows from the tits of daylight...

they couldn't hold a fucking match to the old 9th ward alone.

Rassles said...

I am such a bar snob - it's become a running joke among my friends, where it's all, "Well, if we go there Rassles won't come" kind of thing, because as much as I love my friends, I go to bars to have conversations and if the bar is not condusive to that than fuck it.

In the back of my head I just made a list of all the Chi bars you would loiter.

Jayne said...

I think Tory Burch is looking for your business.

Kono- We all come here because we took a shine to you. Who wouldn't? ;)

(Ugh, and the friggin HS reunions. Why don't these people move? Same town their whole lives. It's not worth trying to get to know that clique--not that you would--I did, and it just made me feel even more hollow. But I got smart and realized it wasn't me.)

Cheers. I love me a Guinness.

Kono said...

UB- Peggy is definitely a Seven Hills name, those Normandy High girls sure knew some tricks, i might have dated one or two..,

Daisy- and you didn't call me? you know i'm hurt... i'll forgive you though.

Kid- there are many reasons why you are one of three people on the planet i call brother, that right comment right there makes another one.

Rassles- names and addresses of those bars thank you, i don't mind conversation but i do tend to go to drink and stare at the mahogony.

Jayne- make you make a derelict blush. and i wonder if Tory Burch makes a size 13 in mens boots.