A Year and a Day

 One year later and i still miss her... miss her stubby broken tail, miss her blues eyes, miss her laying on my chest and purring... Little Baby Kitty, Syd, my girl, Sydney Sweetpea, i had a multitude of names for her and when i called she'd come trotting in, a trot that never once failed to bring a smile to my face, on the worst of days she was this ray of light that seemed to brighten my mood, my outlook, to remind me that the world is not all shit, that there is unconditional love, that there are these other beings out there that can provide one with so much joy and love and happiness... i still wipe at my eyes every time i drive by the vet... even though i've been there with my other cats i still can't shake that day, May 3... and though i'm happy to have gotten seven years with her i still miss her every day, still think about her and her big eyes staring at her mama-dada, as i liked to refer to myself... Syd, my girl. 

It took a few months before i'd even consider going back to the shelter, even the boyos noticed an inherent sadness in their old man, the I-mac caught me standing in a room one day, taking a deep breath and looking at the ceiling, he asked if i was okay and the only thing i could say was i just miss her, he knew who i was talking about, both the boyos loved Syd, she would often curl up on their beds, one front paw covering her eyes... when i was finally talked into going back to the shelter it was to look at another little cat, a kitten, a female, she didn't look like Syd but she had a sweet disposition but something happened while i walked amongst the cages... a six month old brown and black male tabby reached through the bars and pawed at my leg... it was much like my boy Louie had done or Louis Garcia Shinabo Diego Rivera Marquez, which was his full name, had done many years before, Louie was my boy, after he passed the next cat we got was Syd. The cat at the shelter didn't stop, he pawed every time i passed, when i knelt down to look in his cage and put my hand through he purred and rubbed his face against my hand. Disaster wanted the little girl but as the BW looked on she knew, i was stuck in front of his cage and i said i wanted to see him. 

The guy at the shelter stated he was going to be a big cat, his brother had already been adopted and while he was young he wasn't little kitten young and i knew how that sometimes went at these places. After hanging with him for a bit there was no doubt... Paco, as i'd name him, was coming home with us... aka Fat Paco cuz he really likes to eat and i've already had to watch what and how much he's fed but he, like Syd, is the sweetest boy one could find, affectionate, he loves his person and his person loves him, the boyos and the BW laugh because they say he's like a dog, he follows me around and when i leave he stands at the door and cries for a few minutes, in fact if i leave the room he'll meow sometimes waiting for me to come back... he likes to sleep on my chest though he's so big i have to move him after a bit because he puts my arm to sleep, lol! he'll then take up residence next to me and purr away until he falls asleep. The other night i woke up and heard him squeaking, it was almost as if he was having a nightmare, i sat up and scratched his head, told him he's okay, that he's safe and there was nothing to worry about, he gave me a few sleepy blinks, purred for a minute, then passed out. I laid back smiling. 

So a year has gone... once again it doesn't seem that long... i often sit with Paco and tell him about Syd, about Little Baby Kitty, about how he would have liked her (though i'm not sure with cats being cats, lol!) about how he's helped me not be so sad that she's gone, i tell him how like himself she was the sweetest little cat. It's strange how much her passing has affected me... though it's not strange how much Paco's arrival has helped me... in the end i'm glad that i've crossed paths with both of them and t i'm better off for it... (in a strange ritual, i swim laps for people and animals, some people "pray" to their gods, i send energy into the universe, and so Syd always gets her laps, as do her departed brothers and sisters, as does Paco and the cats that are still around, as do the boyos and Pops and a whoever else i feel may need it... and for the record, the sweet, little female kitten was adopted that same day at the same time by a gay couple, we had actually talked to them because they had said we could adopt her since we had been there looking at her but i explained that while one of the boyos wanted her we had decided on Paco and that it's better that two cats leave the shelter that day than one... i knew they'd take good care of her and we all walked out happy.)