The Neighbors - vol. 1 pt. 3

 Ah yes, we take a slight diversion from our study of the Podunk summer to chronicle the weirdness that is the suburban neighborhood and more specifically my new neighbors... strange things are afoot here my friends and even i, in all my stoned reflection of the state of almost everything, can say that i may have been a bit too harsh on my new neighbors. Don't get me wrong, i won't be sitting down to tea with them anytime soon but Ted has taken quite the shine to the rest of the family, something i find both amusing and bemusing all at once... 

It all happened while our hero here was laid up with the lergy, our pesky little virus finally got it's hooks into me but fear not as it felt nothing more than a cold, an annoying cold that hung on a bit longer than i would have liked but that will get a post of it's own.... so while i was locked in a room the rest of the house went about it's business as usual and in a odd turn of events ended up becoming friendly with our new neighbors. Even more hilarious, Ted has now taken it upon herself to spruce up the side of the house that faces hers, yes my house and yes she asked the BW if she could do it and of course the BW said yes and so began a rather interesting transformation. 

Since the I-mac doesn't have a summer job he was bequeathed the duty of lawn mowing and yard work, all of which he would be paid for so that he may earn a little dosh to keep up his rather extravagant lifestyle. Of course the I-mac has this amazing talent of spending all his money as soon as he gets it and there has been a concerted effort into impressing upon the boy that he needs to start understanding how to handle finances because someday the money will not magically fall from the sky as i sometimes think he believes... (Disaster on the other hand will barely spend any money on anything even though he has it and has actually decided to take his spending money and invest it because he likes to see his money make money... at one point he started complaining about the damn S&P 500 to the chuckles of his old man... life's a fucking trip sometimes)... but to get back to the bit at hand, the I-mac spent an hour or so with Ted as she helped him clean up the plot on the side of our house, a plot where a bunch of unruly shrubs had been removed, in order to get it ready for her to plant things there. 

In the course of that hour and in some conversations with the BW we heard the story of Bill and Ted. Ted was born and raised in Nashville and then moved to Kansas City where she worked as an architect for the last 34 years, a career which she said had her traveling a good bit and kept her from ever really making any close friends. When the subject of what Bill did came up Ted apparently gave a wry smile while Bill stated he did a lot of things. My new theory is Bill is an inventor who most likely has never invented anything of consequence. He can often be found under the lights of his work bench in the back of the garage where it often looks like he is doing nothing... (an activity i wholeheartedly endorse.) I'm never one to ask what people do which i'm often chastised for by the BW, but the truth is i don't care "what you do", i'm more interested in the content of the character, who are you not what are you. Sadly in the land of milk and honey a great many people think what they do is who they are, sometimes they figure it out, sometimes they don't, it's a cold, hard truth though to  wake up one day and realize you've wasted that precious commodity called time by doing shit you'd rather not do... one can see Bukowski's take on this as he had it pretty spot on. 

For those following along we can now see where the BW and Ted have a bit of common ground. Both were/are the main incomes of the household and Ted seemed quite tickled to learn that her neighbor was a successful businesswoman. It also i believe reinforced Ted's opinion of me riding the coattails of the BW... (on a side note i had a great conversation with the Bill and Ted's son-in-law, a conversation that i think may have frightened them in the way we got on and that after 15 minutes or so they did their best to try and break-up... and i should add again that they moved here so they could be a part of their grandson's life.) Needless to say even Bill seemed to take some delight in the fact i had no "career" as if it somehow put him in a better light... the whole, at least i'm not that guy thing, which i often find hysterical seeing as i don' really give a shit about what the suburbanites think... in fact the next time someone asks me what i do i might blurt out, "i'm a ganja farmer, philosopher and painter of watercolors", then politely smile. 

I spend a lot of time staring out windows... and since Ted was always in the backyard puttering around, pulling weeds and watering plants i began to study her. In fact i found it interesting to observe and i was going to ask her if she had ever studied Zen Buddhism? I'm guessing the answer would be no as they had mentioned the only friends they had here they met at church and when i hear the word church i have almost a severe allergic reaction. But while watching Ted i noticed that when in the garden or pulling weeds she is completely of one mind, doesn't seem distracted, is focused on nothing more than the tending of plants and such, in short Zen as fuck. Of course by the principles of Zen, had i asked her and she said yes, then she wouldn't have been Zen because she would have been thinking about it which of course negates it... or something like that. Either way it was an interesting way to pass ten minutes while drinking a cup of coffee and watching the leaves flutter. 

And so now the side of the house that faces Ted's has been completely cleaned up, she's planted flowers and built a tiny little rock wall to keep the soil from washing away during heavy rains. She goes out and waters it and tends to it while she's working on her own yard and so it turns out that my adherence to the Wu Wei has worked out quite well for me... by doing nothing the whole side of my house has been taken care of, no more weeds, the old shrub roots taken out, soil tilled, flowers planted, almost exactly how i'd planned it... if i had actually planned it. 

Now these days around the old homestead Ted is always waving and smiling at those not named, Kono. As i mentioned i still don't think she's all that fond of me which is perfectly fine. The Breadwinner and her can have their occasional conversations, she can say hello to the boyos and she can go on pretending as if i don't exist, which seems to be her favorite thing though maybe it's just that Zen state she reaches when standing among the shrubbery. Ted is who she is, same with Bill and same with me... and that's cool, i understand that i may confound them a bit but on the flip side i'll stand back and accept them for who they are, it's just how i am. I'll be polite, i'll thank her for fixing up the side of the house, we don't have to nor do i want to best buddies, i like being a bit of loner, the hermit, the social misanthrope... now back to our regularly scheduled program. 

(Epilogue- The other day Ted actually stopped me while i was walking up the driveway and asked how i was doing, asked if i'd recovered from the lergy and such and i think Ted may have finally realized that sans yard work i do a shit ton of stuff around here as well as being a gig economy serf. It was a pleasant enough conversation and i believe Ted was making an effort as they say, because she does seem to like the rest of the crew, particularly the BW... i can't say i don't find it all hilarious but then again better to be amicable, the world has enough animosity to go around these days and unless they suddenly start flying an Orange Shitgibbon flag we'll be cool.)