Thursday, April 9, 2020

Day Out/ Day In

How can one have so much time in a day but still not have enough? Or maybe it's just i need to stop thinking about it, to listen to the crickets who tell me to wade even deeper into that Zen pool so that i can attempt to understand what i don't understand and so that for a fleeting moment i think i understand but really don't understand anything. If it seems as if i've been hitting the lamb's bread too much the odd thing is i haven't, i've been quite disciplined when it's come to my intake of the herb and mushroom. Call it a study of how to be idle while constantly in motion. So where were we?

I spent the weekend finally assembling a basketball hoop to put in the street so the boyos won't loose their minds. Of course is only took 25 minutes before the first fight broke out but that's actually about 10 minutes longer than i thought it would take. There is nothing quite like brotherly love and after a brief break they were back at it in much better spirits. For my part i divided the assembly up into two days cuz the aching back is always a crap shoot. The yoga is doing a fine job but i miss the pool and the zen state of nothingness, of the wandering mind that comes with my paddling back and forth. That said the hoop was an excellent way to challenge myself both physically and mentally. Given i didn't want to run to any "home" store that these days seem to be packed with whack jobs buying mulch i had to make due with certain makeshift tools but alas i got it done with a little contemplation and elbow grease and as i watched the boyos bounce around the hoop in the tribal dance of jump shots and crossovers i noticed there was a large grin on my face.

And yet it's odd. There is something about my current existence that i particularly enjoy. Maybe part of it is the mama bear in me knowing that i have my cubs close and can keep an eye on them. Or possibly the fact that i have the opportunity to read or write or cook or clean without any need to get it done, to rush off somewhere else, the fact that life has slowed to a crawl. Don't misunderstand this, i realize that there is great suffering snaking it's way around the planet. That many people will slip into the void and that there will be much sorrow and loss. But then again there has always been great suffering in the world. For the first time in a long time though it's come home to the first world and maybe just maybe some of the masters that be will have to examine what we've done to ourselves and to the planet, Lovelock's Gaia hypothesis come home to roost.

So the new existence is like a twilight existence of a previous civilization. I still drink my coffee but i seem to appreciate it more, savor it more, much like everything i do these days there is an even more heightened sense of awareness, mornings i slide silently up steps, i stretch and look out the window, i scratch the heads of cats, i do some half-ass yoga. I make breakfast for the boyos and help with schoolwork through the morning and early afternoon. There are rooms to clean, a lawn to cut, there are numbers rolling across a screen representing the lives of people unseen. I read for short periods three or four times a day. There is the  making and consuming of a cup of green tea each afternoon. There is time to gaze out the window and study the groundhog and the rabbit. And there is the music. The vibrations of sound which bring so much joy and pleasure to a large and hairy being who is nothing more than a vibration himself. There is a large puzzle of the floor near the stereo and most nights after dinner one can find me there, spinning records and working on the puzzle, sometimes alone or with one or both of the boyos. It's one of those things that i hope to keep doing when/if things go back to the rat race.

At this point i'm the only one who leaves the house and that is only if i necessary. The boyos have their cud-de-sac, the Breadwinner her deck, and i drift back and forth between all of it. The streets are lightly traveled, most stores are relatively empty or have procedures in place to keep them that way. The Breadwinner is attempting on-line deliveries of groceries but seeing as most of the denizens of the lily-white are doing the same thing it usually necessitates my leaving for a grocery run. I listen to the experts and take all those precautions which is strange for a guy who spent the majority of his life flipping the bird to authority. I guess the caveat is i don't look at the docs on the telly as authority i just look at them as wise and learned individuals, hence i'll listen when they speak unlike when a certain Orange Shitgibbon begins to prattle. I shoot baskets in the street with the boyos, i play board games, i take deep breathes.

Listening to the talking heads talk about cabin fever, being penned in, the urge to get back to work, i often wonder what the fuck they are talking about? Yet i understand that i'm probably not the norm. Yes there is that money thing but that once again goes back to the fundamental flaw in the system. A system that places a carrot disguised as a flat screen television or a smart phone or a pair of sneakers and ties it to our back and dangles it in front of us, the oligarchs like the donkey mentality of think little and work a lot. A system that begs for consumption and debt and gleefully gives one the opportunity to accrue that debt. Here's hoping that the time away from the hamster wheel will give some people the time to think, to reflect, to realize there is a better way to do things and that the current system is rigged for the benefit of the few. Oh the corporate oligarchs will tell you it's a great, that working three jobs to survive builds character and is good for the soul, why wouldn't they? (and one wonders what they'd know about the soul) it's much better to be sitting in the cart with the whip and giggling at the donkey who can't quite figure out why they can't reach that carrot. The coffee is done and the rain is falling. Welcome to my occupation.

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