Heavy Indica

If the truth be told i've always liked drugs, or if not drugs the feeling of intoxication, from the first time i stood in the garage as a boy sniffing the gas can to my nightly forays to the garage these days to pull tubes, it' the same and it's different, i believe i've taught myself to be a better, healthier and more efficient wastoid,  along the way i'm sure i've done my body some serious disservice but hey man i'm always reading shit about how the body is so damn resilient that what's the use in fucking worrying anyway? life is a terminal illness now is it not?  yes i'm fond of that phrase these days, it amuses me to no end because it seems to encapsulate the whole non-sense of the modern world, what a bunch of fucking tripe, we worship at the altar of consumption and we'll die at the altar of consumption... the consumer type that is...

Lately the nights have been strewn with what is known in the stoner world as "heavy indicas", or more correctly, "how to get numb an tingly while grinning stupidly", the heavy indica doesn't help much in the way of typing and productivity but damn if it's not great for putting you on the couch and grinning at the weird thoughts bumping around the old noggin', it's top notch entertainment and i'd love to fucking tell you about it but most of it comes and goes like so many waves upon the shore, it's a riot though let me tell you... other times you wake up drooling on yourself and wondering how long you've been out...

I've been wandering around my yard lately, not aimlessly mind you but to look at all the patches of dug up grass, by the power of Google i've determined it's the friendly neighborhood raccoons which sure as shit beats a damn skunk, i don't plan to do shit about it cuz raccoons gotta eat too you know, the fucking woodpecker is another story, if i had a pellet gun i'd ice that fucker, apparently it's got guvment protection but if a woodpecker falls in the forest does is make a sound? (or on the side of my house...)

Which leads me to garden gnomes.  I'm a big fan of the fucking garden gnome and in my stoned meanderings around my neighborhood i've noticed a distinct lack of them. Why? i'm guessing they must have fallen out of fashion in the burbs, yet there are some weird fucking yard ornaments about my hood, a large carved wooden mountain lion and a huge stone statue which if you look closely is basically two people fucking, but no gnomes...

And why the fascination with garden gnomes? i don't know? they please and amuse me and bring a smile to my face, i had one back at the old house, he sat in the backyard between two bushes against the back of the garage, i got him for 10 bucks at a CVS, i left him as a gesture of kindness to the guy who bought the place and since then i've been gnome-less, you see you can't just indiscriminately purchase garden gnomes the same way you can't indiscriminately choose a cat or a dog, they choose you maaaan, in their own mysterious ways they choose you, but yeah in the cartoon universe i gaily skip through i believe they could speak to the raccoons  and chill them out about tearing up the weed patch known as my lawn, maybe direct them to the house next door or to the cranky old religious people who live across the street who have the "No Dog Shit" signs posted everywhere (for the record i don't own a dog), i'd like to observe their handling of god's creatures when they tear up the lawn, i know the dogs sure piss them off...

Now where i be? drifting aimlessly through another week while the rain drums on the roof, i have fixed a flat tire and carved the motherfucking pumpkins and have attempted to do both with some Zen aplomb, i have murdered a colony of ground nesting yellow jackets all for the crime of ground nesting on a hill and stinging my spawn, in moments of weakness i hope the universe will understand and in moments of clarity i know the universe does not care, i have passed the yearly physical, the odds say i'll be doin' this shit next year but we all know the public sets the odds and the public is fucking stoopid, so out in the land of Wonder Bread i will keep the aspidistra flying, i will make strong cups of afternoon tea and smoke copious amounts of ganja, i think i used to call this post something else... but yeah, you know, what was i talking about?