Vee Dee

You know kids it's that special day when people are supposed to be in love and shit but really it's just another excuse to try and get fucked and it just so happens on this day that those swell kids in Los Campesinos released another video, a video shot in one of my favorite type of places cuz nothing quite says i love you like a strip club,  you see i've had a long and illustrious history with strip clubs, i mean i can't tell you how many times i've fallen in love in one of these places, the number is just to high to keep track of, i went to my first one when i was just 17, an all nude place in San Diego called Les Girls, it had a big pink elephant out front if i remember correctly which i probably don't seeing as how i spent most of my time riding shot gun in a Lincoln Town Car and guzzling Corona's from the cooler in the back seat, it was here that i met a fine young lady of 23, strawberry blond and six feet tall, i was wandering around trying to decide which girl was going to give me my very first private lap dance when she pinned me against the wall with her ample and lovely ass and starting grinding away, needless to say i was sold and after a few more visits she asked me how old i was and i said 20 and she said you wanna go out sometime?  yes my 17yr old head was spinning, little did she know i was jail bait but being 6'4 with a 5 o'clock shadow can sure come in handy sometimes, of course i was only out in Cali for a few weeks and never got to go out on that date, she did give me her number and real name and i called her once but soon i was on a plane back to Cleveland where i would soon be frequenting lovely Brookpark Road, where the places were all nude and didn't serve booze (they do now), long gone places like Pinky's and Juicy Lucy's and Model T's, once i became of age it was the Crazy Horse and the Circus on my brief visits back, lovely places every one...

Of course i've been to a few in other countries but the burgh is where i have lived and the burgh is where i have spent many an hour wasting away the day and the night in the neon and glitter and spray perfume, see in the first 16 years i lived in the burgh i lived within a mile or so of at least one if not two strip clubs, the stories i have of these places could fill a fucking book so i won't go into them now but let's just say that i've done everything and anything one can do in a strip club legal or otherwise and i'll leave it at that, dig? and no there was no exchanging of money unless of course you count the drugs i scored for the ladies on occasion, in one of the most ridiculous transactions ever i once scored some blow for a dancer, i put the wrap in a dollar and dropped it on the stage when she was dancing and then the braniac instead of waiting to finish to give me the loot, goes into her garter and starts handing me money, i was like what the fuck are you doing and she just smiled and said i don't know, ah the good old days, of course the only reason i passed it to her while she was onstage was so she could run to the back and blow lines as soon as she got off and it was easier to do it then than when she came off and got rushed for lap dances, this was in my favorite place, a place described a bit more in the Wilderness Years with Techno Tim and the like, and for years i lived less than a block from it, it was fucking better than having cable and probably cheaper too...

Of course these days i don't make the rounds much anymore, the above mentioned favorite is now gone and has been converted into a gay bar complete with male dancers,  i still pop into some of the old haunts now and then and i've found a place out here in the burbs that's not to far away, a place that does Bareoke, i haven't been there much and the last time i was there it was when Gulfboot came to visit and we both got ripping drunk and sang, me doing Total Eclipse of the Heart, all six minutes of it, of which Gulfboot recorded on his phone, i watched the playback and i was horribly out of tune with my falsetto and when i tried to do pole tricks i was herded away from center stage by two young ladies, one of which i believe was on my back and grinding against me, it was a bit fuzzy you know, a good time nonetheless, in short i've got a fucking PHD in strip clubs, can walk in and clock the place and tell you the story of every face in the joint, it's doesn't change from year to year or place to place but the girls and the bartenders have always been kind to me so on this day of love and consumerism i find it fitting that i'm rambling on about naked women and dollar bills, happy Vee Dee...