The Night of the Long Knives

He watched and he waited, that's all he could do, he knew what was going on even if in his mind he preferred not to admit it to himself, he had spent the better part of the last decade honing this skill, the skill that sniffed out the bullshit, that looked through the fidgets and shifting eyes and it was this skill that had served him well, kept him out of jail and in the black, this skill had made him successful on the street and now he was using it as he watched her, watched her talk on the phone with him, watched her expression, timed the length of the calls, because it was all innocent right? these hour long phone calls after they had worked together all day right? just friends is what she told him, he's just a really good friend and i don't have many is what she said, in his mind he wondered what that made him...

The apartment they lived in was long and sometimes he would pace up and down the worn wooden floor boards, re-tracing the steps that had led him to this point, a drunken night in the hallway of their old place when she smiled and her eyes were shining and she said are you ever gonna marry me and he smiled and said sure we could do it tomorrow and she grinned and said i'll ask you again in the morning when you're not drunk and the next morning she asked him again and he said sure again and before he knew it there was a wedding being planed and invitations being sent and tux's being rented and cakes being ordered, it was one of the more relaxed times of his life, of course he had a few loose ends he had to tie up out on the streets but nothing that would get in the way of the rest of his life and then one hot, muggy summer afternoon he said i do and she said i do and that was that, welcome to a new and happy life...

Except that's not how shit ever works out now is it? and so now he paced the floors and thought, tried not to let his mind get away from him, tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, cuz really all he had to go on was his gut instinct, an instinct that he trusted, but he didn't exactly like what it was telling him now, not even two months from that hot and humid afternoon when they said all those words to each other and promised all kinds of meaningless things, cuz he was watching and noticing, at first it was just a group of friends going out after work and then it became her going to watch his band practice with a friend or two and then it was him and her going out to the clubs, so as discretely as he could he began to ask questions, things like when you go to the club who do you dance with? what do you do before you go? he didn't want to look like the possessive asshole, he was never that guy and didn't want to become one but he could see the signs, his gut told him that there was more to this friend than met the eye, the way she'd avoid being in the same room with him when she was on the phone with her friend, the way she laughed and would sometimes talk in hushed tones, one day as the idea festered in his head he began following her from room to room to see if she'd keep moving away from him to continue her conversation, she did and he could feel his heart sink ever so slightly but then he'd remind himself that it was all speculation and wander to the front of the apartment and sit in the sun and pet the cat...

Slowly though he was starting to unravel and slowly she got a bit careless, one day she had left a stack of note cards out, note cards that he, her friend, had drawn pictures on, some were about some of their escapades and though none of them were sexual they hinted at things that she hadn't told him, things that she normally would have, mishaps or funny moments, instead she was sharing it with this new guy, as if the blissful time as newlyweds included this guy but not him, of course as he sat there alone in his apartment he knew that he was not the innocent victim in this impending disaster, for years he had run the streets doing what he had to do to get by, leaving her alone, leaving her lonely as he trampled through dive bars and back alleys in pursuit of something only he could define, but now that was over and he thought things would change and they had changed just not in the manner he had expected...

And then one night she came home after 2 in the morning and when he heard the key in the lock he pretended that he had been sleeping as she walked down the hall to the kitchen to smoke a cigarette when really he had been laying there all night tossing and turning, checking the front windows to see if she had come home yet and when she came in the room she was beaming and whispered how she didn't mean to wake him up but that it was late and she had to work in the morning, he asked if she had a good time and she nonchalantly said yeah, he asked what they did and she said they went to the club and danced and he mentioned it was kind of late and she really didn't say she was going to close the place and she said she didn't think they were going to either but it was a good time and now she needed to sleep cuz she was going to be exhausted tomorrow at work and with that she crawled into bed, kissed his head and fell quickly to sleep as he laid there and stared at the ceiling...

He did his best to rein in his worry but he kept probing and questioning and she kept talking about how much he'd like this guy and how they'd get along and liked alot of the same music and at one point she stopped and said you don't have to worry about anything we're just friends, i like hanging out with him and i haven't had anyone to go out with in awhile, of course he didn't point out that he would go out with her he just shrugged and mumbled something about not being worried about anything, giving a weak smile as she bounded by him to get ready to go out again, back to the clubs, but on this night she wouldn't come home until after 4am and when she did he sat up in bed and said what the fuck? she was like what? he said that the clubs have been closed for a couple hours and you just come strolling in i mean what the fuck were you doing? he said i'm trying really hard to be cool about this shit but a courtesy call would be nice, at least let me know you're okay and when she proceeded to blow this off he knew things were fucked, she apologized quickly and insincerely  and said sorry we were just driving around and listening to music, we drove through the ghetto for fun what's the big fucking deal? he wanted to yell what's the big fucking deal? the big fucking deal is you're out with some guy til 4am and you wonder what the big fucking deal is? if i came home at this time after hanging out with some girl i'm sure you'd have plenty of questions about what my evening or more correctly morning was like but instead he just bit his tongue mumbled something about just call next time, turned over and attempted to sleep...  to be continued...