Monday, March 28, 2011

The Walking Dead- Shiny Happy People


Man if thursday morning hasn't become my new favorite part of the week, see that is the day the lumpen proles all file in to the big room, it's a big meeting room that for some reason invokes a Third Reichish feeling, all Nuremburg like with it's rows of chairs and steel art and vaulted ceilings, of course it is in this room where they let us know when our train will pull up and take us to the unemployment line and on this day they began to outline the timeline as to when we could apply for fucking foodstamps...


Of course every one's favorite honcho bailed on the meeting, leaving her poor underling to face a roomful of angry and upset faces, as she began she almost burst into tears and then gathered herself and began the power point of fuck you to all those in the room, now this poor woman was left with a thankless job and i actually happen to like her and as i stood in the back i began to think out loud about why the Superstar VP of the Big World Bank Machine couldn't be here herself to let us all know about the breadline but if there's one thing i know about the BWBM it's don't ask questions of those in big offices, and so the underling gave us the news and then got steamrolled by Joey Dickhead...


Joey Dickhead has been grandfathered in as we say, got the job way back when cuz his mommy worked there and when they opened the floor up to questions Joey Dickhead unleashed the Blitzkrieg and of course the Underling couldn't answer most of what JD asked but Joey would not be silenced and before you knew it another high ranking manager was shouting down Joey Dickhead (who's a Dept. Lead, don't ask me what that is cuz though i've worked here over 8 years i still don't know the way the hierarchy works, i do know that everyone is more important than me, that is until their fucking lights burn out) and telling him to sit down and shut up and that the Underling, who by this time looked like a deer run over by a semi-truck, was doing the best she could and then the rank and file, most of whom had just been told they wouldn't see Labor Day, began to grumble and some started yelling "i've heard enough" and other sundry exclamations and walked right on out the door, i stood in the back and found this highly amusing cuz amid all the hubbub at least these people know when the axe will come, over in my dept. the powers that be shrug and go shopping when confronted by any questions, utter inane shit like "you have to do what's best for you" and "gotta look out for #1", which is quite the change from pre-shit can when us lumpen proles were repeatedly told that we should be devoting our life to the BWBM and our superiors...


Needless to say i stood in the back and was highly amused at the seeming breakdown of civility at what can only be called the most politically correct place in the universe, i mean here we had a serious breach of protocol by JD and the lumpen proles actually speaking up and lashing out, and let me not forgot my two favorite guest speakers, one doddering idiot from Cleveland with a lengthy title, who had driven through a snow storm and rambled on about it like he should receive the fucking medal of honor for his actions, walking up to a podium for a few seconds and basically saying, wow you're all fucked and then passing the hard shit off to the Underling, and of course after all the hysterics and handbags caused by Joey Dickhead another genius from the crack team that presented the losing proposal a few months back, Johnny Brownose, got up and gave an eloquent soliloquy on how brave and daring the doddering idiot and the Underling were for standing there and telling us what our fates were, which in turn drew a round of applause from those with titles and their own office cubes...


It was a highly amusing fifteen minutes let me tell you and as the meeting came to a close i slipped out the back door and went back to my desk to finish up the NYT crossword and take a nap.

6 comments:

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I've been in the audience of a few of those meetings since 2008 and your all-too-accurate powers of description took me right back into those rooms. My toes curled up just a bit and my sphincter clenched. Now the fun starts, I'm here to tell you.

sybil law said...

Ugh! I had a comment all ready to go, but I got a reply from my fuckfaced FIL and had to tear him an new ass.
Upside: I hope to never see or him from him again!

I hate to hear about the work bullshit, but I'm glad you at least got a nap.

twin said...

having worked for the same company (private practice - me & the boss) for almost 20 years.....i have no clue as to what you're speaking about. i feel very lucky...

daisyfae said...

keep taking good notes... there may be a book deal in it. Something like Barbara Ehrenreich's "Nickle and Dimed - On (Not) Getting By In America".

Only you can call yours "Fucked and Chucked - On Getting It Up The Ass Without Flowers in America"

Jayne said...

Been there, too. Was more than happy to twiddle my thumbs in those last few weeks. Crazy. Bull. Shit.

kid said...

one of your best photo choices.