thanksafuckinglot

In honor of slaughtering the natives, the same natives who saved our ignorant white asses, let us sit down and eat, drink and argue with the family, significant others, friends, pets, inanimate objects and anything else our stuffed little asses feel like... in honor of the day the Kono will present some of his favorite Thanksgiving day memories, mostly from the Wilderness years cuz those were the most, uh, fun i guess...

Get your hanky's out for this one, it was over Turkey Day that i watched my nuclear family meltdown in front of my eyes, it would be the last one i ever attended with all of them and the meltdown wasn't exactly on Turkey Day but it wasn't just the turkey dying that day, a little over a month later mom would drop the bomb temporarily freeing me from many holidays for the years to come, so in a way we must start here but don't worry they get better... hopefully...

The last year of university brought the memorable Green Thanksgiving, basically i bought food from a 7-11 and a turkey sub the night before t-day from Subway, i then proceeded to drink till the bars closed in the little town of Clarion, the next day the streets were deserted and the only place open was 7-11 and Uni-mart, i nursed away the hangover with bong hit after bong hit after bong hit and then watched the football games on a fuzzy television with weak reception while nodding in and out of sleep, ate the sub, began drinking what was left in the apartment which meant mostly flat Olde English malt liquor, then the bar across the street opened, the only one in town that took credit cards, yeaaah, happy thanksgiving to me...

Then came the infamous Thanksgiving eve party where i think i may have been the only straight man in the room, not to mention that most of the women there weren't that fond of men either, i did provide a valuable service though and i do believe that was why i was invited, after eating a few tabs of acid i proceeded to drink gallons of beer and ended the night drinking Everclear grain alcohol mixed with a dash of water and lime Kool-Aid mix, i believe it was sometime during the waning moments of the party that i decided to rock out with my cock out exposing myself to anyone who was dumb enough to look down at a hairy set of pierced testicles, great fun i'm sure for the unsuspecting, i staggered out of the party and into the cold south Oakland night and wandered my way back to north Oakland while the mostly African-American inhabitants of the late night streets did their best to run away from me, somehow i found my front door and passed out cold still clothed in my bed... next morning it felt like someone had stuck an axe neatly between my eyes and one in the side of my head as well, i actually checked the mirror to see if i had been beaten up but to my utter dismay i had not, i left most of what was left of my liver, kidneys, spleen, etc. in the toilet that day and spent most of the day in bed shivering from the dt's or maybe alcohol poisoning or both, after heavily medicating myself with whatever was left over in the goodie bag i picked up the phone book and began dialing pizza places cuz the only thing i really wanted was my favorite of all hangover foods, pizza, needless to say there is not one pizza place open on Thanksgiving Day, shocking to say the least to someone in my state, i actually put my shoes on and made it down the street to, you guessed it, a mini-mart and bought some of the cardboard heatlamped pizza that had sat there all day, quite possibly the best pizza i ever ate, washed down with some cola, pulled a tube and went to bed...

there was also one of the last family Turkey Day's where i had taken so many drugs at the club that i couldn't take my eyes of the shimmering jell-o, but those were the good old Madchester days before techno came and ruined it all...

and i would be remiss not to mention the White Stripes a few years back on Turkey day eve, where i basically turned my bloodstream into a chemistry set before i had to take a drug test for some sort of insurance purposes on Turkey Day, yes i knew the agent and why i agreed to take it i have i know idea, perhaps i was stoned, needless to say the test results looked more like a chart for someone entering rehab, if i'm gonna fail, i like to fail big.

Happy Thanksgiving mofo's