As i've stated before it's an interesting situation to be the world's hairiest soccer mom, though i'm technically no longer a soccer mom hence maybe my other title as the Big Hairy Carol Brady is now more fitting... and as someone who has been what could be called "classically underemployed" for basically his whole life (other than my career in contraband) i understand perfectly that shit rolls downhill... so while i've encountered numerous men who ask the age old question, what do you do? who then find out what i do and ask how do they get that job to which i often reply that they most likely don't want this job cuz it's not all it's cracked up to be... though i should add that with a little organizational skills and what not it usually does afford me the opportunity to catch the mid-week footie matches in the Champions League as well as my beloved Palace when playing during the week... so maybe i should just shut the fuck up and thank my lucky stars that i've made it this far, approaching five and a half decades, and still have done fuck all in terms of being a so-called productive member of society, it's quite possible that i am living the American fucking dream, not to the hegemony but to the commonfolk...
Which brings me to Bokononism, that lovely religion from Mr. Vonnegut's book Cat's Cradle, a religion based on "foma" which means the harmless lies that bring comfort and meaning (which is quite necessary when it comes to my so-called domestic union)... most of modern Merkin culture is actually based on just this though i'd wager to say that the way i interpret it for myself is different than the way i interpret it for the culture at large... and of course one of the maxims of Bokononism it the phrase- busy, busy, busy... sit quietly at any youth sporting event and one can eavesdrop on the mini-van mafia chirping away as to how busy and hectic their schedules are... it's as if it's an actual crime to have a moment to oneself, to not be constantly running from place to place, sometimes involving some sort of employment and sometimes not but mainly it's more the attitude that permeates the modern American workplace, particularly in the retail or office setting, a whole lot of doing nothing, what the elementary school teachers call busy work...
The last couple of days i have run myself rather ragged in my duties as the Big Hairy Carol Brady, it seems to have been non-stop list of chores... housework, yardwork, busy work, gig economy serf... granted i'm quite adept at putting my head down and ploughing right through shit and to be honest i have no problem with that, for as much as i'd like to sit around and stare at my navel or watch my toes wiggle i realize as an adult type person i do gotta get things done... maybe the main issue is the fact that many times it feels like i'm the hired help around here... which is an attitude mainly given off by the BW... it's something she most definitely picked up from her father, a man who until recently has been a raging shitbag but as he now steams headlong towards the void is having those moments of clarity between bouts of dementia... in the simplest of terms... she makes the money... i do the rest...
So what have the last few days entailed... too much nonsense... including a trip to the Imac's university to bring a load of shit home as come the weekend he takes up residence here for the summer... of course once again the Imac did a bang up job of leaving it late and spent the last week scrambling to get decent enough grades to not get tossed out of school though it's looking as if he survived... but not before his momma had to jump in and help with some of his work... the same type of shit she did last year to help him graduate to which she stated she'd never do again... funny how that works and even funnier the justifications for her actions... though full disclosure i was roped into it as well and can state that while i did a minimum of work (seeing as that i've already got a degree) and that i basically let it be known i was doing it under protest, it was mainly so i didn't have to listen to someone piss and moan about things (see BW) as well as prattle on about wasting her money, for around here it always comes down to her money, which is why i retain my position as gig economy serf in order to not have to ask for any of her money, my payment as Big Hairy Carol Brady is food and lodging and my own room so we don't every have to pretend we have any sort of functional "adult" relationship...
The BW has spent the last 18 years helicopter parenting the Imac... to which i would add much to everyone's detriment... i don't believe it helps him though he does need to learn some organizational skills (her specialty) and responsibility but in the end there is always and excuse to help him... i'm of the school that sometimes the best help is no help at all... they gotta learn and sometimes failure is the greatest teacher of all... that said i also understand how his momma worries about him... a fact i try to impress upon the boyo all the time... granted she doesn't helicopter parent Disaster as that's supposedly my job and i basically tell Disaster that he knows what he has to do and i expect him to do it... i've also told him he'll be better served because of it as he grows up...
A quick summary of the week that was involved some gig economy serf work in order to keep the weed cabinet stocked, driving Disaster multiple places (side note- i do roughly 97% of the driving around here when it comes to the boyos, always have, it's like pulling teeth when it comes to getting the BW to actually take them somewhere or pick them up and i'll add it's not lost on the boyos), cleaning the house, driving back and forth to shuttle the Imac's stuff and him home from school (about 1.5 hours one way), doing piles of college boy's laundry, cleaning the laundry room for the new appliances, then after that shit was installed calling the gas company because i kept smelling natural gas... which freaks me the fuck out.... i then used some leak detector (basically soap) and hit the valve to discover a leak that i didn't like, called the gas company who came out immediately, said it was decent leak and who then swapped out my old valve for a brand new one, checked my lines and gave me a thumbs up which certainly lowered the stress levels cuz as stated that shit freaks me out... which brings me around the yard work... once the Imac is back i will abdicate this duty and Disaster will pick up the slack soon enough but for now i still needed to mow the lawn...
My front yard out here in the lily white runs downhill, actually at a pretty decent angle which makes cutting the front grass a real pain in the ass... it's a lot of pulling and pushing uphill and downhill and it generally fucking does my back in for the rest of the day if not into the next as well... there is also a small old tree stump near the point where the slope stops and the flat part begins and there has been a small hole in the ground for years... every now and then a rabbit will take up residence and it was while i was mowing closer to this spot that i saw something move... a baby bunny, hopping to safety as i got closer to the hole... then i saw another, then another... as one could surmise there is no shortage of rabbits around here while there is also no shortage of predators, hawks being the biggest one but also a few outdoor cats, coyotes and what i was soon to discover, crows...
Now being the bleeding heart fucking pansy ass animal lover i didn't want to kill the poor baby bunnies, not only cuz of the mess it would make but because they deserve their shot at this mortal coil even if it does end badly for them... though honestly the current state of the world it could end badly for all of us... that said i was careful to watch them hop away and quickly finished up near the nest so they could get back to relative safety... and of course the whole time i was talking to them explaining that i didn't mean to disturb them and that they should get back to their nest... i can only wonder what the neighbors may think as they watch me have full blown conversations with animals but i have some pretty decent neighbors who have been around the hood long enough to know i may be a bit, for lack of a better word, "odd"... (one may recall Rosebud, the opossum, who i was trying to cultivate a relationship with by feeding her cat food in order to bring her around to eat any ticks that may be about seeing as ticks are the opossums favorite food, except for maybe Meow Mix)
The baby bunnies all slowly scattered and i got through the front grass and headed to the back, finished up, grabbed the weed whacker and did some trimming, ran inside and took a quick shower as the second leg of Champions League semi-finals were about to start and i was most keen to watch the Barca-Inter classic unfold... i took my seat on the couch, Paco made himself comfortable first by head butting me and rubbing his face on mine and then by making biscuits next to me before passing out on his favorite blanket... and the match was a blinder... granted as i'm partial to the Catalans (they do wear the same colors as Palace) we came out on the wrong end but from a football point of view it was both high drama and high art... and then towards the end of the match i heard something...
As extra-time in the match was ticking away there came a strange squeaking noise, it sounded somewhat like a bird but a bird i had never heard before, it kept up, would stop and then start and after aa couple minutes i got up off the couch and went out the front door... it should be noted that Paco, on hearing the sound, sat straight up and began looking around and trotted after me to the door... i opened the door to see two large crows hovering over a poor baby bunny and pecking at it, i jumped at them and they flew away but the poor bunny just laid there, breathing sporadically, i began talking to it again knowing full well if it was still conscious i'd probably be freaking it out even more but it didn't look good.... i was a bit distraught as i knew the little bunny had only fled the nest due to the lawnmower and it was probably trying to hop it's way back when death from above came swooping in...
I stood on the porch wondering what to do... every now and then the bunny would move a bit and so i grabbed a small shovel and moved the bunny back towards it's nest... my hope was that it would recover enough to get back in the nest and for the next hour i kept looking and it was still there until i finally looked and noticed it was gone... i walked out for a closer inspection to see if there was any trace of it but there was none, no fur laying about, no sign of struggle, granted there is a good chance a hawk or some other bird scooped it up though i'm not sure the crows would have been capable of carrying the bunny off so to placate the guilt that seemed to be plaguing me i convinced myself that the little bunny had made it's way to safety to live another day... call me a "real" American as i decided to believe the possible lie instead of the highly likely scenario that the bunny didn't make it anywhere other than into the food chain...
While i didn't say too much about it i did say to the BW that i felt a awful that i had a hand in the possible demise of the bunny and that i hope it got back in the nest.... the BW, who loves animals as well, seemed to take an almost sadistic delight in making backhanded comments to the fact the bunny probably didn't survive knowing that i was bummed about the whole ordeal... such a loving and supportive relationship around here eh? for the next 24 hours i kept checking the nest though i haven't seen any of the little bunnies who had scampered their way from one danger to the next... i mentioned again that i hope the little bunny hopped away and of course the BW laughed and dug the knife in a bit deeper... a tough afternoon for our cream puff here... out of the Champions League and complicit in the possible death of a poor little baby bunny... the world can be a cruel place...
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