Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Olde Gayng Sign

I'm drunk... and stoned... i used to hang out in bars where you could walk in to the men's room to take a piss and bask in the glow of bum-shit, while said bum shit in a door-less stall on a metal jailhouse toilet cuz the bum shit used to break all the porcelain ones, today i drank at a suburban brew pub, it was the whitest place i've ever been, the beer was good but the ambiance was like the food court of a shopping mall, i've been the only white guy in a bar full of African-Americans and today i was the only black guy in a quasi bar full of Wonder Bread, they smell nice and talk nice and are fucking nice and i don't fucking do nice, i do menace though... and so i sat with my back to them all and stared out the window and pondered the uselessness of it all, pondered the inane shit that was being spewed from the pie-holes of the comfortable, pondered the phrase "he was like in the poverty", uttered by some asshat who most likely lost his virginity well into his twenties and most likely had to pay to do so... but that is life in the lily white... but the beer was fucking good and i had fun digging into my coat pocket for a stray smoke, just cuz a bunch of lily white assholes decided to pile all their coats on top of mine and then look appalled at me while it looked like i was rifling through their pockets, i smiled at them, none of the beards had the balls and i was hoping to point out that their etiquette was quite fucking lacking when it came to where they hung their expensive and aromatic jackets, i could have informed that they were perched upon the cloak of the lumpen-prole whose jacket smelled of smoke and tacos and beer and puke and snot (if snot smells)... and then i wandered home and listened to this tune and thought how fitting it was to the state of mind i most often occupy, part Pavement part Fall part Norwegian novelist part me sleeping on the sofa in the soft glow of the yuletide tree cuz i am the asshole of the world and i am here to give you light... because as the song goes, i am the bonfire of human bones... i am the bonfire of human bones...

5 comments:

Exile on Pain Street said...

Yeah, but where do you want the boyos to grow up? Hough and 55th? It ain't about you (us) no more. When I had my first daughter, my brother said, "Do you know how you've been #1 your whole life?" and I said, "Yeahhh..." and he said, "Well, now you're #3. And be glad you don't have a dog or you'd be #4."

Kono said...

Exile- Exactly, i know what i signed up for but i'm allowed to bitch am i not? haha! which of course brings me to the previous post and the White Trash Motel living next door to me and why i'm so pissed about the situation, there's much more to it than i wrote and luckily i live with someone who does a good job of reigning me in when i'm about to do something to get my ass in trouble, reminds me to think cuz their collective IQs don't add up to mine... and my normal local is chock full of weirdos here in the burbs which is good, i wouldn't step into this place except the beer is brewed on site and they usually have a dozen different ones and the shit is damn good, really good, so good i sometimes catch myself daydreaming about it good, it's a trade-off...

and now with 2 girls and a dog i take it you've slipped to #5? i rank somewhere above the fish and frog and slightly below the cats...

Exile on Pain Street said...

I have, indeed, slipped in the rankings. All the greats do eventually.

daisyfae said...

i abandoned the nearby fake irish pub a few years ago. i just couldn't do it anymore. never mind the fact that it has a pesky douch-bro infestation and started a tuesday trivia night, where i can be offended at not only the attitude, but the lack of knowledge of the clientele.

here's to the local. we've even found a few where you can still smoke inside (illegally, of course).

Kono said...

Daisy- all my old haunts back in the city proper let you smoke, old steeltown habits die hard, i won't even go into the night i was at the brew pub and the local yocal was singing and butchering Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, he fucking stopped half way through and began flipping pages of his songbook, i actually asked if he was gonna finish cuz he only did half or would he like me to do it, everyone except the bartender looked at me like i was a leper, i know how to make friends and influence people...