Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Glamorama at 43 ypm

I've taken four beer shits today and not the garden variety beer shits, a few were of the ripping and racing to the can before you shit yourself variety, the kind that make you grit your teeth and form that nice bit of sweat on your forehead and though you feel like you might scream no self respecting man is going to scream over a bit of the rectal tango that's taking place, instead you just open a book or stare out the window and watch the birds, you see those World Cup qualifiers between us Gringos and our Mexican neighbors are the closest thing we get to an El Classico around here and in the past i've even attended one or two but these days i prefer to watch from the comfort of my own home where the beer is cheap and shitty, the herb good and the narcotics better, of course i was hoping the opiates would bind me up a bit as they are known to do but let's just say the PBR and Oktoberfest brews won that battle hands down, much like our boys in red, white and blue who on the eve of my 43rd booked us a place in Brazil next summer and we all know how much fun i have with the olde World Cup now dont' we?

And so i started out my day a bit fuzzy around the edges, some bacon and toast and coffee, copious amounts of water but alas i ended up in a Jerry bier hall for dinner and once again was pouring beers into my mouth though not quite as many as last night and it was around this time last year that i was winding down a fine 10 years at the Big World Bank Machine and embarking on a new career as House Boy, a gig that may be the toughest and most loved gig i've ever had, i finally began to understand those fucking horrible back to school commercials for what they really meant cuz after three months with the boyos, and believe me when i say i love them fucking more than anything, i was losing my fucking marbles, of course now we're back to the routine and pretty soon i may start looking for a gig but there's a lot of numbers in that equation so i'll leave that for another time...

And so what have i accomplished in this last year? fuck all really, i mean i haven't started some magnus opus or picked up a paint brush or done anything all that meaningful as far as artistic endeavors go but let's face it, i ain't no fucking artist, not in that sense, you see as i've watched some good friends stretch out and come into their own with their writing and painting and what not i'm still hiding out in my basement and staring at the walls, spending the time i could be writing getting stoned in the garage and watching shit movies or nodding off with book in hand, a cycle that's been on repeat for a good 23 years or so now and pretty soon i may just cash in the chips and stick to reading books, hell the world needs more readers and it's the one thing that's remained my constant over the years though as i stood outside a friends wedding this past weekend a good friend of mine and i were discussing this art thing, you see he's a teacher and at one point he thought about getting into the administrative side of education but decided that it was more or less bullshit and thought his talents would be better served in the classroom, a noble pursuit if i do say so, he said that teaching was his art, as we continued to talk and we discussed the whole writing thing and my doubts about my qualifications he laughed and said that writing was just something i did and that really life was my art, which he added was about the highest compliment he could give... and in the end maybe he's right and so i'll just keep doing my thing the way i have been and see how the shit goes down...

In the meantime though this past year has taught me that i can pretty much figure out anything i put my mind to if i'm not being a lazy bastard, i recently decided to teach myself to cook and by that i mean not just throwing shit in the microwave or on the grill but actually reading recipes and putting my own little spin on it and though i'm still in the infant stages i found i quite like cracking a beer and putting on some tunes and wandering around my kitchen, i've realized i'm much more skilled with my hands than i believed and can actually fix and build and figure shit out, soon i'm gonna try and rip out bathroom and put in a new one, i've read a shit ton of books and acquired a nice collection of vinyl and though i'm not much on possessions those two things give me things to study and ponder and keep my mind limber in between bouts of booze and drugs...

I've kicked the cigs, am probably in the best shape i've been in since the early aughts, i've grown tired of the bars and all the itinerant bullshit that goes with them, i mean there are still a few i enjoy and i still make a regular visit now and then but as i've stated before when you see new wave come around for the third time you know you're old and there's nothing to prove to these kids, they're all to busy staring at their phones anyway to have any real conversations so instead i sit on my couch and hang with my cats and drink my beer in the comfort of my own home, and it seems these days i like to be close to the two things i love most, so it just might be that i've learned a lot more in the last year than even i realized at first glance and i'm sure it won't stop it's just that the places i'm learning have changed, hell i  have a PHD in Pub Life, another in Drug Life, don't even get me started on what i know about strip clubs and well fuck you know, i've just become a fucking boring, sad, suburban 40 something, here's hoping i've still got something to prattle on about next year...

6 comments:

Chef Files said...

Of course there is another way of looking at things. Sophistication starts in your 40s, beer is replaced with fine wines, your bank account has grown larger to the extent of bursting and could possibly pay the national debt of some smaller third world countries, such as China. The smoking habit you quit will make your workouts at the gym last longer and drugs are swapped for vitamins. You'll love the vitamins, they will mean that with the way you feel so good and contented with life in general you will want to hump all night and dance all day.

Forget all the wee girlies who you used to chase, the more mature beauties will flock to your side and want to be seen with someone mature and confident and bloody well wealthy.

Of course if you sit around in the doldrums dribbling tears and spitting bile into the kitty litter tray until your teeth have yellowed with nicotine, your hair has fallen out due to lack of sunlight and life is rapidly passing you by. Then, my friend, then you can write morbid posts and fill your many hours with angst and buckets of KFC until your first heart attack arrives.

Cold shower time... join a gym, bin the Levi's lose fashion and grasp style. Book a Med cruise and worry about things no more. If you don't grasp life while you can then some fucker will take it away from you quicker than you can blink.

Kono said...

Ah my dear Chef you do know that last line was a piss take don't ya?

If anyone knows how to live it's this tall Septic, it is my art, hell Exile chastised me for not posting for the last month but it's hard to post from the swimming pool, the water tends to fry the circuits and there's a bit to much eye candy to concentrate fully on the tasks at hand...

as for the gym, there is no need, i'm old school in that fashion and like to train like Rocky, of course i have since taught myself how to box Southpaw now and have been working on my hand speed and believe my defense is better lefty than righty but have yet to test that theory and at this point don't really feel the need to...

I'm not big on cruises though i do like to lounge around exotic locales and listen to the sound of the waves, haven't been inside a KFC in over a decade and have never been much for the vino, white has no effect but there are a few reds in enjoy...

as for the women and the money, hell they come and go, no use crying over it, maybe in my wayward youth but not anymore, i've never bought the dream my country has sold and here it seems that women and money go hand in hand, of course that's not true but when freed from the confines of both my mind has more time to pursue other things...

As for my medicines, well some are purely medicinal, all the years of pounding concrete and hardwood has taken it's toll, along with all the loading docks and warehouses and there are certain medicines that work better wonders, one of which i'll most likely never give up and am waiting or the day i can go to the doc and get a prescription for it, (like you can in other states) as for the vitamins, right now it's Monsters Inc., the boyos and i eat them every day...

Of course that first paragraph had a lot do with the wonderful Jerry food i'd been eating, a man must know his limits when it comes to sauerkraut, cabbage, haluski, Jerry potato salad and all the tasty sausages that go with them especially when washing it all down with the local brewery's Oktoberfest beer, sometimes you can have to much of a good thing...

But now i gotta fetch Nick Disaster so we can draw some monsters, cuz these day i like crayons and colored pencils much better than oils and watercolors... Cheers Chef.



Chef Files said...

Good to see you are already back on top form pal.

daisyfae said...

And the award for "Best Opening Line in a Blog Post" goes to... "I've taken four beer shits today...".

Dead. Fucking. Brilliant.

Perfectly conjured that state of being when one simply can't trust a fart.

You've had a good year, friend. The time with the boyos - to the point that you welcomed the school year - was not wasted.

jon said...

Granted I'm lightheaded and the like, but it would seem to me that great essays such as this could be sold a la carte, maybe laminated, for a couple of bucks. We'll need an engineer to say how, but...

twin said...

conversation.
take it
leave it
miss it

keep spinning the 45s mr dj