Monday, March 25, 2013

Razz-Matazz

Well kids i'm suitably high enough to do this little exercise here, in fact i'm not exactly sure what i'm doing but it seems i've been tapped to answer some questions and give some random factoids about El Kono, of course remember i've got drug and alcohol problems and to compound that i've got another fucking tooth that's driving me insane and since the dentist didn't hook me up with any relief i'm medicating myself and i think we all know how that shit turns out but onwards and upwards and sidewards... and we can all blame Rassles over at www.rassles.net for this fiasco, i gotz to do that cuz i can't figure out how to link shit in my present state... or in any fucking state for that matter but c'mon c'mon let's go...

1.  What are my top five favorite movies (see above site for exact question)... well in no particular order uh i don't know, i don't watch many fucking movies but let's see... big surprise here Barfly starring Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway, Jaws cuz i can recite like the whole fucking thing, The Big Lebowski for obvious reasons, Repo Man or anything involving the great Harry Dean Stanton and the last one... hmmm... i guess i'll go with Pulp Fiction cuz i'm not supposed to go more than five, though i'd throw in the Monty Python's and the Holy Grail and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest as honourable mentions, those are my favorites and i know i already broke the rules but as we should all be painfully aware of by now i don't really give a fuck about rules and shit...

2. If i could ask Werner Herzog one question what would it be?  What's with the fucking chicken man?

3. What would i want Werner's answer to be?  Nothing, it's just a fucking chicken.

4. If i could see any musician at any time in any venue what would it be and it could be some crazy shit?  Can i say a battle of the bands between Joy Division, The Smiths and the Fall at the shitty little Croatian Hall in Cleveland where i saw Suicidal Tendencies, circa 1987 and yes i know the Smiths had broken up at this point and Ian Curtis was dead but it's make believe right? the guest judges would be Charles Nelson Reilly, Dr. Noah Drake himself Rick Springfield and Paul Reuben's dressed as the vampire in the original Buffy the Vampire slayer movie...

5. What do i think of white boys with dreadlocks?  Well it's a well know fact that from 1993-1998 i was white boy with dreadlocks, of course back then any white boy with dreads was thought to be a fucking hippy and i was often accosted by hippies asking for peanut butter sandwiches and shit and it got really annoying, of course i was in my own vain and enigmatic way giving the finger to society (all in my own warped mind), as i waited til i got out of college to grow these things and today i really have no opinion of white boys with dreads as long as they let them go all fucking crazy, i had three very large ones in the back of my head and i do get annoyed with the dreads that looked as if they were done at a salon, if you're gonna do it go all the fucking way, of course if you plan on keeping them for more than a year or two be prepared to lose your hair later in life cuz white boys' hair ain't made for that shit...

6.  What is the largest kind of animal you could wrestle and emerge victorious?  I was going to say an Orca (just to toss in another movie, go on Richard Harris) but like Morrissey i don't condone violence against animals so i'd have to abstain from wrestling any animal, though i'd let somebody else butcher them, batter them, deep fry them and serve them to me on paper towels...

7.   What's the most beautiful sound i've ever heard?   The easy answer is where the ocean meets the land but that as until the boyos were born, now it is the sound of their voices, except of course when they're screaming, yelling or fighting... look at me getting all sentimental and shit...

8. Do you have a "No Fatties T-shirt"?  Fucking hell no what do you take me for some sort of neanderthal?

9.   What's the one book you want to make sure your boyos read?   There's to many but since it ain't my life but theirs i just hope they read anything they want, to instill a love of books into them would be the most important thing, i'd be happy enough, i'm sure they'll start picking through my library at some point in their lives, of course the obvious answer is the Rosy Crucifixion by Henry Miller but that's three books or maybe Oh, The Places You'll Go cuz Ted G. says it better than anybody, asking them to read Celine or Algren or Steinbeck wouldn't be to much to ask but at the end of the day all i want them to have is the same love of reading i do, the ability to lose yourself in a book, to shut out the busy, noisy world and sit down and contemplate things, the ability to read and write and think, really it's up to them and i can only take them so far...

10.  Three blogger walk into a bar? Finish the Joke... I fucking neck my drink and run out...

11.  How would you break out of prison?  Well if you break out you always have to look over your shoulder and hope you don't get caught cuz if you do you're going back again for even longer... what i'd do is make the best of it, like Red in that Shawshank place, you take over and run shit, might as well make prison as enjoyable as possible so corner the black market or at least a part of it and trade for all the fun stuff, you know, porn and drugs and that homemade booze they make and all the cigarettes and dvd's i can watch...

Okay so there's part one, i guess part two is eleven random facts about me...

1.  I'm a fucking nerd for colored vinyl, meaning i like to collect records and have been known to buy the same one twice if the vinyl is a different color.

2.  I'm a fucking ace Foosball player, front or back, doesn't matter...

3.  I once pissed my pants in kindergarten but didn't tell anyone cuz it was like some "fun day" or some such shit and we got out of class to do special shit and i got to go and make these awesome cookies... in wet pants of course...

4.  I once drove and owned a Saab... i paid cash for it in a parking lot... oh the good, old days...

5.  I'm a big fan of Nilla wafers and milk...

6. I have an irrational fear of both zombies and airplanes but not zombies on airplanes...

7. I saw David Bowie in concert when i was 18 years old.

8. The first concert i ever went to was Kiss, i was nine.

9. I'm an avid daydreamer and often find myself lost in thought about nothing at all and it pleases me to no end.

10. I don't really like lobster.

11.  My surfboard's name was Jane.

Okay, so i'm supposed to pass this on but i'm not afraid of no bad juju and shit, besides i don't know how to link shit or who even reads the lounge anymore so i'll just let sleeping orca's lie you know... and i'd like to thank Rassles for giving me this wonderful opportunity or something, fuck if i know, i'm just glad it's over... but all told it wasn't that bad, cheers.

6 comments:

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Kiss where? At the Richfield Coliseum? Was that place around in your youth? Their music kinda stinks but those guys know how to put on a show. My first was Alice Cooper. Suzi Quatro opened. Because I'm older.

Rassles said...

I did NOT know that you were a white boy with dreadlocks, and that just makes this SO MUCH BETTER.

And Werner Herzog's answer to your question...oh god, could you imagine a world where you asked him for an explanation and he just said it is what it is, and he doesn't try to integrate mutant albino alligators or how theft is a necessity? That would be a batshit crazy world.

Thanks for doing this and being such a good sport. I tried to give you questions you would like...except the movie one, that one was for me.

Kono said...

UB- yep. The good old Richfield Coliseum for both Kiss and Bowie.

Rassles- No problemo, it wasn't so bad and now all three people who read this have learned something new about me, haha...

Chef Files said...

I bet you're glad you no longer have the SAAB, eh pal?

mapstew said...

Don't talk to me about tooth problems! :(
Thank fuck for alkie-hole! :)

Jayne said...

Cheers! ;)