Monday, March 26, 2012

Anything More



This song has become the new staple in the goodnight songs of one Nick Disaster, apparently his daddy can sing this one really well and Nick particularly likes the part that kicks in right before the two minute mark and since once again i had plans to write a good old Wilderness Years post but got sidetracked i'll ramble on about the boyos cuz i'm trying real fucking hard to turn this into a daddy blog, yes i know, it damn near is but i figure i still got some work to do...

You see i know this female who is always rambling on about how horrible kids are and how she's never having them and this that and the motherfucking other and really i don't give a fuck if someone wants to have kids or not, really i don't fucking care, what i do care about is if you want to act like an ignorant fuck and spout off and post on facefuck about how selfish it is to have children and i'll be the first to admit that there is a bit of selfishness in the act of procreation, hell you have to have a bit of an ego to re-produce, of course you can also say it's fucking biology and that most people don't really think about it they just get drunk one saturday night and end up with a kid, unfortunately that's probably more the norm than we'd like to admit and i for one would like to see people have to take a fucking test or something before they are allowed to take the screaming ball of skin and hair home, it would save me from wanting to track them down and bludgeon them to death after watching one to many kids meet their demise by the hand of the person that is supposed to love them most but i digress... you see this female is always ranting on and on and i really just want to point out that she's right, that she's a miserable human being and that the best thing to do would be to get sterilized as soon as possible, save us all the trouble but please for the love of puppies and kittens, shut the fuck up about it...

But i'm getting off track or on track or stoned, i really don't give a fuck if someone has children or not, it's their life, they should do with it as they please, i will say that this little adventure i've embarked on is easily the best thing i've ever done, i fucking dig it, it ain't easy but there is nothing else i'd rather do, i find myself watching the boyos in wide-eyed amazement, i find myself smiling when i think about the shit they do or say, i mean 20 years ago i was this female, ranting and raving how i'd never have kids and how existence was a cruel joke and let me tell you i still think it is but the boyos make it all that much more enjoyable and hell they don't know it's a cruel joke (yet) and if things work out the way they are supposed to i'll die first and they'll be grown and doing whatever it is they want to do and i'll be a happy old, dead  man with a very gray beard, of course 20 years ago i ate acid on a damn near daily basis so it was probably best i didn't have kids, then i became a criminal, all the time drinking to much and adding new narcotics to the ever growing list of substances ingested in my misguided youth and not so youth but fuck it all...

What this is really about is how as dusk settles, i lay down with Nick Disaster and sing him songs... sometimes he plays and talks to his stuffed animals, sometimes he's all wound up and hitting me over the head with shit but by the end of the songs he's usually laying there holding onto his stuffed monkey, calmly staring at his daddy, his breathing rhythmic and relaxed, his wet curls and blue eyes and freshly bathed skin snuggling up to his old man who sings in his deep and serene voice, don't cry baby cry/ as long as you and i/ do more than just survive/ don't cry and have a real good life... and then i give him a kiss and tell him i love him to which he usually says, "i love you too daddy" and curls up with his monkey and goes to sleep, then i get up and shut the door and walk into the I-mac's room where i read a story as he lays his head on me and then i turn off the lights and kiss his head and tuck him in and walk towards the door only to hear a sleepy, "i love you dad"  and then i come downstairs and do this... so please do what you want, i don't care really, have kids, don't have kids, shoot smack, eat fried food, fuck random strangers, watch television, just don't feel the need to tell me about it, i'm happy with my decisions, happier than i'd ever imagined...

7 comments:

Jayne said...

I've never heard that song before. It's a beautiful, surreal spiked, lullaby. But Nick Disaster already knows that. Maybe it's the glass of red making me dotty, or the song playing in the background, (or both!) but that visual of him--"curls up with his monkey and goes to sleep" makes this mama cry.

I think I'd de-friend that lady.

daisyfae said...

we had similar bedtime rituals. my husband and i swapped kids each night. reading books. singing songs. telling stories. it all just sort of happened.

one night i'll never forget. the boy was about two. i'd read a silly story, as we snuggled on his mattress on the floor (toddler beds suck for cuddling at bed time).

i thought he was alseep. i was in my reverie... dozing. feeling warm. then suddenly, he started giggling. i was surprised that he was awake.

but he wasn't. he was laughing as he dropped off to sleep. and i thought that every child on the face of the earth should feel that way every fucking night as they go to sleep...

nursemyra said...

*sigh*.... I remember those days.... sweet

Dolce said...

I don't once remember my dad reading or singing me to sleep. You keep singing, Kono. Raise those boys to sing their own sweet songs.

mapstew said...

That was just beautiful! :¬)

sybil law said...

AfuckingMen.
I was also one of those, "I'll never get married and have kids" people, but damned if I didn't do both. Not so sure about the marriage, but I will never, ever regret the kid. She is the absolute best thing in my world - always.

Kono said...

Jayne- It's one of the things i look forward to each day (and not just cuz their going to sleep), the serenity of it gets me every time.

Daisy- that is one of the best stories i've ever heard... though i'm greedy, i get Nick D. down and then head in and do the same for the I-mac, it makes me happy that the last person they see each day is me.

Nurse- i appreciate every one of them cuz i know it doesn't last forever, i'll miss them when they're gone.

Dolce- I have a great dad, i'm just trying to live up to all the things he taught me... and i'll sing you to sleep whenever you like.

Map- gracias.

Sybil- As the old man once told me, marriage is a great way to fuck up a perfectly good relationship... and since we all know i was a bit of a fucking maniac/idiot i'm glad i have those two around, best fucking thing i ever did.