Friday, December 2, 2011

The Night of the Long Knives Pt. 2

As he lay there that night and listened to the hum of the window fan and the faint sounds of traffic he could feel this cold, swirling pit in his stomach, as would become custom they both turned their backs toward each other and he looked out the door and down the long hallway that he had spent half the night walking, he knew that things were most likely gonna get worse before they got better but if he knew anything it's that the human condition seemed to always offer this glimmer of hope even in dire circumstances, so when the alarm went off the next morning he got up and went to his new job and tried to occupy himself with other things, he had taken to riding a stationary bike to work off his anxiety and he'd come home from work and pop on the headphones and ride, she of course had begun to take this opportunity to get on the phone and talk to her friend, and so the week went along and the next weekend rolled around and once again she announced that she would be going to the club with her friend...

On the nights she went out she would take a long shower and spend twice as long on her hair, she'd carefully apply the little make-up she wore, she had beautiful skin and eyes and didn't really need much if any, and then spend some time figuring out what she was going to wear, he made the comment that she seemed to like to get a bit dressed up to go out with her new friend, he said it seemed as if she had bought some new clothes and she replied she had and that she felt like looking good and what was wrong with that? nothing was his reply and then she quickly added that though he may have wanted to walk around looking like a bum all the time she didn't, he stood looking at her dumbfounded when she said this, she being one of the only people on the planet who could get to him, to actually hurt him  but she didn't notice as she continued her preparations, he walked back towards the spare bedroom that doubled as his office and sat at his desk, that feeling was back in his stomach, he wondered if she really thought he dressed like a bum or more correctly was a bum, they'd been married not more than 45 days or so at this point and he wondered why all this was coming out now though he knew why and so when the horn honked outside she practically sprinted for the door, no kiss goodbye just a see you later as her boots clicked and the door slammed, the silence of the apartment felt deafening...

This was when it was worst, when she was out with him, his slow unravel began to quicken and he began to look around the house, he began to go through her things looking for clues, he felt like complete shit, what am i doing? he thought, what the fuck am i turning into? am i paranoid? am i really just this asshole? this bum? but his gut kept telling him, his gut that had told him when to walk away from deals and get out of certain places, the gut that had kept him safe for the last 7 or 8 years and he paced the long hallway and attempted to watch television, he watched the sunset through the kitchen window as he tried to eat a t.v. dinner that he couldn't choke down,  he fed most of his dinner to the two cats as they rubbed up against him and purred, the cats that would lay on the hallway floor as he paced up and down, finally he grabbed his jacket and took a walk, walked the neighborhood for an hour or so, he didn't have a destination and didn't really know why he was doing it but he knew he had to get out of the apartment, in the back of his mind maybe he'd see them but he knew that they were downtown at one of the clubs or at least that's what he thought and so he went back and paced some more, pissed around on-line and then around 11 or so attempted to sleep only to rise every ten minutes or so and peek through the blinds of the front room, back and forth he went, hour after hour, he didn't know why or what he was hoping to accomplish but then sometime after 1a.m . or so he saw headlights pull onto his street and he froze...

Of course this wasn't the first pair of headlights he'd seen on his city street that night but these slowed down and pulled to a stop in front of  the apartment, it was about the only time he was glad to be on the first floor, their place being a stones throw from the hood, cuz his view to the street was pretty clear, he sat with a blind pushed up ever so slightly and he watched as they sat and talked for a few minutes, she smiled and laughed and it struck him how he'd not seen her do that with him in a long time, sure they'd been together longer than most when they got hitched but he thought that this would be one of those blissful times, in those long hours spent pacing he laughed at what a fucking fool he was, like an idiot who watched to many Hallmark movies and actually believed that the hero rode of into the sunset with his fair maiden but as he sat there now he blinked at what he thought he saw, after all the smiling and laughing, did they just kiss? or was that a hug? did he really just see that? and then her door opened and he got ready to drop his one cracked shade but he couldn't, he watched as she smiled and talked into the car for a few more minutes, as if they didn't want to leave each other and then as she shut the car door he let the shade drop and raced back to the bedroom and hopped into bed, was it a kiss? was it a fucking kiss? or was it just a hug? friends hug all the time he thought and i don't want to look like an ass if that's all it was but what if it was something else, could he trust his own eyes?

He heard the latch of the metal gate outside and then a few seconds later the heavy outer door shut and then the key hitting the lock, as usual she walked down the hall and into the kitchen and he could hear her flick her lighter, he was frozen in his place, his mind racing, what did he see? what did he fucking see? he wasn't sure and that was all he could be sure of, when she had finished her cigarette she stepped lightly into the bedroom and and began undressing, he rolled over and said why don't you skip the pj's tonight and get in, she nearly jumped out of her skin when he spoke and asked why he wasn't asleep, I have trouble sleeping when you're out this late he said and i figured since we're both up, his voice playfully hinting at sex but she just kept getting out of her clothes and then quickly put on her pajamas and said, I gotta pee and then i really need to sleep, maybe tomorrow or something, i'm gonna be exhausted as it is, glad i don't open and it was here that he knew that what he thought he saw he probably saw but he still wasn't sure, all he was sure of was that swirling pit in his stomach had went from a category 1 to a category 3 in a matter of seconds, she walked back in, took a sip of water, wrapped the covers around her and went to sleep, his heart raced and he thought about saying something, thought he should call her out, grill her on her activities, let her know that he had seen the note cards, could tell by her behavior that something was up, that he thought he just saw her give "her friend" a kiss goodnight, but then he stopped, he still didn't want to be the possessive asshole, his gut that had served him so well over the years wasn't the only skill he had, patience he thought, patience...  to be continued.

7 comments:

sybil law said...

Ugh. Again.
Loving it, though.

Diary of Why said...

Patience! I have none! I want to hear the end even though I sort of don't. But I do.

Gulfboot Nunez said...

I'm not sure about this mate. Not the place...

Gulfboot Nunez said...

I dunno, fuck it. Where else?

twin said...

I feel like I should un-read these.....? Too close to home....

id said...

i sort of maybe get the feeling that he likes it, in a bit of a weird way.

Kono said...

Id- you are a welcome edition to the lounge, a cuckold fetish i believe is the term, we'll see though.