Friday, January 21, 2011

Pittsburgh for a Day

I was born in a white trash suburb that butts up against the the southwest side of Cleveland, a West-Sider in the city's vernacular, i was born and raised there and left at the tender age of 17 to go play hoops in Wyoming and after that i spent a few summers there and some breaks and some shit happened and i bounced around and ended up in Pittsburgh, unable to escape the my beloved rust belt, yet if you ask me where i'm from i always say Cleveland and then add that i now live in Pittsburgh, of course this makes for long football seasons (American throwball that is) cuz i am a die-hard Browns fan, same with the Cavs and the Tribe, in my adopted city i support the Penguins cuz C-town has no big league hockey team and it helps me have something in common with my Yinzer neighbors, but if there is one thing i'm not it's a Steelers fan...

For those who don't know the rivalry between the Burgh and C-town dates back somewhere to the middle ages and for a long time it was dominated by the Browns and then the Stillers hired Chuck Noll and everything started to shift and then of course that scum sucking shit bag Art Modell moved the team to Baltimore and re-named it the Ravens and as i've said in the past i'd rather have no title than win one with Ray Lewis and the rest of the cheap shot artists called the Ravens defense, yet when the Browns moved the people who sympathized with me most were Steeler fans, they too had been robbed of something they grew up with and of course the Ravens would soon become the main rivals for teams and though the rivalry still exists for the Browns and the Steelers it's not nearly as intense as it was, but to get back to the move by scum sucking shit bag, Stiller fans would look at me and say "damn man if they can move your team they can move any team, even ours", of course i stated that their team actually had owners with grace and class and most likely wouldn't make the money grab that scum sucking shit bag Modell did (all so he could still go bankrupt a few years later and be forced to sell the team with the sweetest deal in the NFL) but we'd sit and talk and rib each other about past games and they'd usually buy me a beer and say this one is for you and your team, in short i found out that Stiller fans are good people...

Which brings me to this, come Sunday when i walk into Heinz Field i will be Pittsburgh for a Day and cheer on the Steelers, yes i have a ticket to the AFC Championship game (a free one at that) and i will put aside 40 years of animosity and dis-taste and hope that the home team gets a shot at title #7, for the rust belt.

See i've tried to explain to people that being a Cleveland sports fan is about the most noble and idiotic thing you can be, it's been 40 odd years since we've won a title in anything and yet we keep showing up and putting on our colors and hoping against hope that this will be the year, hell in Pittsburgh it seems like a birth rite to see your team in the Super Bowl or Stanley Cup final, they've won 2 and 3 since i've been around and lost a couple others but in Cleveland we've had the Drive, The Fumble, we were the only team to lose to the fucking Braves in the World Series, we lost another World Series in the seventh game when we had a 2-1 lead going into the bottom of the ninth only to have that fucking muppet Jose "the Rapist" Mesa blow the lead and then lose in the 11th, i was in the Flats for that one but that is a post in itself, we've had Red Right 88 and of course just recently we've had The Decision, to be a Cleveland sports fan is to be like a fucking abused spouse, we just keep getting hit and shit on yet we get up in the morning and smile and say "i still love you" and i still do and i'm not going anywhere i just am gonna sneak into the rich guy's house and live like he does for a night, eat his food, drink is booze and hopefully shag his wife, besides the saving grace is they are playing a team from NYC and if there's any town where i roundly hate all it's sports teams it's New York (sorry UB)...

Of course Boston is a close second cuz there is nothing more annoying than listening to Red Sox fans whine about not winning a title for 80 fucking years, i used to point out that in that time the Celtics won 16, the Patriots won a few, the Bruins won a few more but just because they didn't win in baseball it was like some horrible injustice, the only good thing about the Red Sox winning was Saux fans could all shut the fuck up, and of course most of my dislike of NY teams comes from the Yankees cuz i despise the fucking Yankees and i also despise art star hipster kids who all talk about moving there cuz that's where you make it, little do they know they have to work five jobs to live in a shoebox with a hot plate and a toilet, they just think it's fucking cool and New York is pretty cool i just never want to live there, a few visits were enough but i digress, i hated the Giants with the Tuna and the Knicks annoy the shit out of me with Spike Lee jumping around court side, the Jets have that asshole coach with a penchant for feet and running his mouth, the Rangers and Islanders grate on me, hell even the fucking New York Red Bulls piss me off with Handball Henry and Roget's Santa Cruz...

So in just under 48 hours from now i'll be drunk and most likely freezing my ass off in some beautiful 8 degree weather and hopefully toasting another AFC title and the two week party that goes along with it leading up to the Super Bowl, i'll bask in the glow of another man's swanky house and then come Monday i'll crawl back to the shack that we Cleveland sports fans live in and give a speech much like the one Crash Davis gives about the show on the bus in Bull Durham... so in the words of my Yinzer friends and neighbors... Here We Go Stillers Here We Go...

17 comments:

DiaryofWhy said...

I'm sorry, I fell asleep there.

I mean, uh, have fun. Don't get frostbite.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Some quick hits:

I cannot believe you'd root for the Steelers. How could you? HOW could YOU?! *sob*

If it were the Brownies vs. the Jets I'd be all over the Browns. But as it stands, I am hoping for a collapse by Ben, who is a paper tiger. Him and his fucking girly pump fakes.

While I have no problem supporting the Giants/Jets, I will never, ever, NEVER be a Yankee fan. You can't imagine what it's like living amongst their kind. Sometimes, it's physically painful.

If it's any consolation, aside from the Yankees, New York is loser town when it comes to sports. Jets? 45 years. Knicks? 1973. Rangers. 1804. The Giants had one a few years ago but it was long-coming.

Bundle up. Have a good time. J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!

Kono said...

UB- i know i can't believe it either but then again it might be a matter of my personal safety, i mean i can take out of few stiller fans but in the end they'd get me, like in those zombie movies... and don't get me wrong i do like NYC i just couldn't live there, i think it's all the hipster kids i've dealt with who view it as the end all be all of success, it's not actual New Yorkers that irk me it's the wannabe New Yorkers.

Kono said...

DofW- posts about sports and college girls don't mix. of course i could have posted about cleaning my kitchen couldn't i have. haha. i'm a dick.

DiaryofWhy said...

Haha, I deserve that, and the irony of it did cross my mind as I posted that comment. I DO however take offense to being called a college girl, as I have WAY too much life experience and not to mention crows feet to ever be mistaken for one of those, so you best take it back.

And yeah, it's just another wild and crazy Friday night in Mythaca. :)

Jayne said...

Ugh, it's either the Giants or the Mets here, on the tube, and I'm really confused about this because I grew up and live in New England, and Gillette stadium is practically in my back yard.
My kids are pretty confused, too, because they've never been to Foxboro. But Uncle Bob still takes them to a Red Sox game now and then, so it's all cool by me.
This is what happens when you get involved with people from New Jersey.

daisyfae said...

i grew up in cincy, and the only thing we hated worse than the steelers was the browns. this one's easy for me, kids...

and SCORE on getting a fucking ticket to that game - for FREE?!?!? i'll be watching, and looking for the tall, fuzzy guy NOT swinging a 'terrible towel'...

daisyfae said...

oh, and UB: You know what the difference is between a cleveland fan and a puppy? eventually a puppy quits whining...

sybil law said...

Well, I hate The Steelers AND the Browns. Damn.
Uh, but have fun, dude. I know you will!

JMH said...

Well I got my own issues here. Bears vs. Pack at Soldier's field for half the marbles. No doubt the Pack are the more talented team, and at no point during the season have I thought that the Bears were anything more than good enough, and keep in mind that I'm a naturally pessimistic optimistic fatalistic Cubs fan (like the pre-2004 Boston people, except fatter and sadder, more sympathetic than obnoxious), but I still hope -- I'm a man, goddammit -- that this mediocre team and Devin Hester can reach the Super Bowl. We'll see on Sunday.

Kono said...

Daisy- Cincinnata, oh my, the little red headed stepchild of Cleveland... i got one for you, what do you call the shitty part of Northern Kentucky? Cincinnati. i crack myself up. Though we all know that Mr. Dulli is from Cincy so it can't be all bad, and i once dated a girl from there and King's Island is pretty fucking cool and they did elect Jerry Springer mayor.


Sybil- i'll be on my best behavior, really i will.

JMH- Here's to a Bears/Steelers Super Bowl.

DofW- Crying on the couch does not count as life experience, snap yo, damn i'm a dick and funny, needless to say i take it back, though i've seen pictures and i don't see any crows feet and technically you are still in college be it grad school or not and dammit why can't i write dull boring posts like the rest of the blogging world, i mean it can't be coke and hookers and sexual deviance and speedballs every second of the day now can it? i deserve a rest, in fact fuck it i'm turning this shit into a mommyblog and i'm gonna talk about the color and texture of my kid's shit, the different aromas, how i really like shopping at Children's Place but Carters has better coupons, yeah motherfuckers from now on you'll get me debating about whether to buy a blue shirt with a chicken on it or the red one with a smiling bull, in minutae, every deep thought i have about it, every time i fret if i made the banana smoothie the right way, every time i sneak a smoke a worry about depriving my children of my genius, ah fuck it, what just happened? i'm hungry. let's get a taco.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Well, I hope you're happy. Once again, my hopes and dreams are eviscerated by the Steelers. Same as it ever was. I blame you entirely.

May God almighty shine his ever merciful light down upon the Green Bay Packers.

Kono said...

UB- what a game, i will give a full report in the near future but right now i'm nursing a decent hangover, my voice is shot and i'm slowly regaining feeling in some of my limbs.

Rassles said...

Dear Mr. Kono,

I've seen a hipster or two in Chicago sporting Steelers tats. Some are true fans, but once I met a chick with a Steelers tattoo and I asked if she was a Pittsburgh fan and she told me her grandpa was a sailor. I think she got US Steel confused with nautical stars.

I laughed for about a week.

Regards,
Rassles

PS: Fuck Green Bay

Kono said...

UB and Rassles- I was/am an always will be a Browns fan, sorry about the Pack winning Raz but it did make my life easier cuz i don't have to deal with a bunch of smug Stiller fans walking around and making horrible puns like Stairway to Seven and Knocking on Seven's Door, UB your wish came true and the lord done shine his light on the Pack.

Spanish Tony said...

I stopped reading after paragraph three, what the fuck Lar? That's no different to me saying if City stick it to us on Saturday not to worry.
I'm lost for words!

Kono said...

Spanish you've been sent a personal email detailing why and what and where and the fact you should have kept reading. You cheeky bastard.