Nicky Finn Guaranteed this Victory

I'm from Cleveland. As previously posted we've won nothing in the last 45 years as far as sports championships go so not once in my life have i got to party like it's 1999 except maybe New Years 2006 due to the Limey/Spanish factor and since i now live in the beautiful city of Pittsburgh, rival city of Cleveland it's a bit rough, my genetic code won't let me be a Stiller fan, i've hated the Pirates since i was a kid for no other reason than they're from Pittsburgh, don't ask why i moved here, most likely cuz i'm a masochist,i love and won't leave the rust belt, i won't even tell you what i can do with a shoelace and my nut sack or how i once rammed a safety pin through my nipple or how many times i pierced said nut sack so i knew for a fact that when the Penguins, the one Pittsburgh team i do love and can embrace mainly due to the fact Cleveland has no NHL hockey team, got to game 7 against Detroit and their message board bitches, they were guaranteed to win. Why? cuz little Nicky Finn was just over a week old which would prevent me from going to a pub or party to watch the game thus preventing me from standing on some main thoroughfare of Pittsburgh most likely exposing myself in sheer ecstasy for a team i love winning a championship. I watched the game at home alone while the girl snored on the couch and little Nicky Finn squeaked away in his crib and big brother hugged a stuffed hippo upstairs, when the horn sounded the Penguins had won a 2-1 thriller i smiled and watched the kids of the city run wild in the streets in celebration and realized i was exactly where i wanted to be, content to be on my couch, content to watch Max Talbot become an unlikely hero and score both goals, a working class player for a working class city, content to eat a bowl of Crunch Berries while listening to the fireworks while standing on my front porch. One of the best friday nights i've had in years. Thanks to those hard working kids called the Penguins, let's do it again next year cuz next year i'm growing a play-off beard, fuck yeah.