Thursday, February 21, 2008

My Media Coach, dedicated to the Toxic Towers


I don't do many interviews, mainly because no one wants to talk to me, but seeing as i do come in contact with the human race i decided it would be best if i to acquired a media coach, the only difference is mine is more like an imaginary friend, he exists of course i just don't actually know him, it's a bit like the What Would Jesus do thing except i ask myself What Would Bez do? and let me tell you Bez is a fucking genius...

in fact just this morning as i sat in my car drinking coffee and fighting off the effects of the gout pills i took cuz me ankles are being a bit gimpy i looked to the heavens and asked Bez what should i do to feel better? and a suddenly i heard the sounds of maracas and a voice saying "skin up mate" and i thought genius, nothing helps a bit of nausea caused by medications and work like mary jane, so i bowed my head and thanked Bez and proceeded to blow a nice pinner in my car and by the time i got out, shit man everything was great, in fact i went to work and ate some lucky charms and as i sat there eating my delicious cold cereal marketed to 8 yr olds i was fascinated by the pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds, green clovers, i actually felt like the smiling leprechaun on the box, shit you not...

i also happened to notice that i looked a bit like a homeless person as i stood smoking my cigarette and looking at my reflection in a plate glass window, me wearing a blue bronx hat with a Skatlin flag on it, dark red corduroy pants (the fabric of kings mind you), a dirty Carhartt jacket in that yellowish-orange color, a tri colored scarf green-yellow-red, that my grandmum made me years ago, puffy brown gloves and brown boots, no wonder the business types kept running away from me they probably thought i was gonna hit 'em up for a spot of coin, but then i says, Bez, do i look like a homeless bloke and the Bezzer says Fook no mate, you look smashing and with a new found confidence i bopped to work like Brooklyn Tony on the disco dance floor...

Bez also helps out on the job by telling me when to run for the elevators and mash buttons so as i don't have to speak to my ridiculously happy co-workers and on the unfortunate occasions when i must speak he often reminds me to just kinda shrug and smile and mumble and no one will really bother with me.. so a big thanks to Bez, without him i do believe i'd be lost.

1 comment:

kid said...

lucky charms at work, red cords, grandmum's scarf and sidekick Bez - you're like the villain of sane. cheeheheeers...