Monday, June 28, 2010

World Cup Diary - Aw Shit


Dear Asamoah Gyan, my liver thanks you, if you hadn't belted the winner past an aging Carlos Bocanegra, who i personally was screaming at to foul you, i might have to go to the pub for a game against Uruguay this friday and frankly i'm fucking broke from ridiculous bar tabs, i was averaging around $55 a game which you may say isn't bad but when you consider that i watched two on my jack jones and the other two with the Furious One it becomes a hefty sum especially considering my beers were $3 bucks, though i think the shots were $4, i'm not sure i was kinda fucking drunk, i do know i averaged double digit drinks which for an aging self hating hipster is never a good thing... that said...

It was a fucking wild ride and i though i was not the biggest Bob Bradley fan going in i was swiftly becoming one as he pulled the right strings and got us to where we needed to be, my three biggest fears going into the Ghana game were 1) an emotional letdown 2) fatigue 3) that Ricardo "Turd" Clark would get in the game, let's just say the first two showed in the first half and became even more apparent in extra time where just like the beginning of the game we felt the need to give up an early goal, of course in the second half we did that American thang and played like Mel Gibson gave us some speech out of the Patriot at halftime and almost pulled it off in regulation... now to Ricardo... what does one say, good luck, have a good career but you'll never play for the National team again you gigantic shitbag, you were responsible for giving up two goals, (see Gerrard, Steven-Engerland) and basically couldn't guard my old creaky ass in a park league game, i wish you well i just wish that you never don the red-white & blue ever again, i hope that's what Bob was whispering to you as he subbed you out after 30 minutes, it was pretty much Bradley's only fuck up of the tourney but it was a gigantic one, it would have been nice to take a shot at Uruguay and maybe the semis but hell we can dream can't we, we can dream that Charlie Davies doesn't get in a car wreck thus depriving us a legit striker, we can dream the Gooch doesn't blow out a knee wrecking the back line, we can dream that in four years as we bring some new kids that Brasil just might be the place to crack the top eight or dare i say it the top four and fucking a kids ain't that what America is all about anyway? dreams and shit... to my new found friends at the pub it was a great few weeks and i'm sure i'll see you for the finals and maybe even some qualifiers, for the most part you were a good lot except of course the pansy asses with sensitive skin...

As for my English brothers i think Gulfboot said it best, "revenge for '66", another shit call to go with a tournament of shit calls and maybe Sepp just oughta start thinking that maybe this technology shit can be put to use, of course the dicks in the boardroom won't care as long as the general public keeps buying tickets and jerseys and beer but when a team has a chance to come back and tie it after going two goals down only to have the refs flub the call is a travesty and completely changes the tone of the game know matter what Stevie "play me some Phil Collins, do me talkin' on the Pitch" Gerrard says, i will also refer you to Gulfboot's blog about the stink that is Chelsea Football Club and a certain defender who shall remain nameless who i don't think i'd take in the US back line if i was offered. My pick is still alive though only they get Brasil next but i've got a sneaky suspicion the Kurious Oranj might just do the business and here's hoping that El Furio Roja or whatever they're called send "Divin" Cris Ronaldo on vacation. This might be the end of the World Cup diary but do not fret kids cuz new episodes of the Wildnerness Years as well as posts on my fragile mental state will return shortly... i hope.

2 comments:

Gulfboot Johnson said...

$55 a game? You got off lightly brother.

Kono said...

That was for a few hours bruv, i wasn't pulling the all nighters like some of us were, besides this is H'america we don't have those seedy pubs that are like pharmacies, we're a far to paranoid lot for that.